i swear, i must be an alien or something. it is purely annoying how this is a pattern that just will not shift.
i had a friend of mine make an introduction between me and a friend of his. i was enthused. intrigued, actually…. but apparently being so is verboten. or so it would seem by the profound silence that is ever in its wake.
i just don’t know what to make of it. stars above, if a man were as enthused at the notion of knowing me as i get when considering knowing a new fellow, i’d be in rapturous spasms.
of course, i never get that. i do not know why. well, i suspect as to why, but since none of them ever actually ante up and tell me anything, i cannot say i know.
anyway. this new fellow. i’d seen his picture. nice eyes. kind mouth. handsome in a classical, aquiline way. it’s rare you can actually see intelligence in a face. his had it. i was excited to think about getting to know him. if you know me, then you know what that means. hah.
but it just seemed the more i tried to talk to him, the louder the silence became. is he shy? does he think i’m unattractive? does he think of me at all? hell, i don’t know.
what i do know is there is no reply. what i do know is random gestures of good will and interest meet with dead silence. invitations to chat a bit and break the ice receive no response.
now i’ll admit to being impatient. but dead silence is hard to take any way but negative. then, today, whilst checking his blog, i noticed…. every comment left by me had been removed.
so. i guess there we have it. you can second guess yourself about silence, but being outright obliterated from someone’s sandbox has its own very direct, rather unavoidable meaning.
the only thing worse than being rejected for who you are is being rejected when someone doesn’t even know who you are… and doesn’t care to find out.
i wrote him a brief note telling him i wouldn’t bother him further.
and so it goes… (sigh)