ok. this is my own little quirk. ok, maybe not so little. anyway. i think dreams are real. well, as real as ‘real’ gets in this life.
hmm. this isn’t going to go smoothly. heh.
let me try again…
i believe that the multiverse is. that all paths exist, that all choices exist, that all outcomes exist.
and i believe that in most cases, dreams are doorways to alternate paths, choices, outcomes, and ‘realities’… in which one, for the period of exposure, lives and experiences these alternates as real in much the same way as we experience ‘the real world’ as real.
i understand that, for most of the world, this means i am considered an absolute looney-toon.
that’s ok. really.
so when i am writing about a dream i had, rest your certainty in the fact that, for me, it wasn’t ‘just a dream’, rather, it was an experience of another life or an alternate stream extending from this one.
now. with this said… i had an odd dream last night. (i tend to call them all odd and consider this both gratitude and relief that they are not paths upon which i travel in what i know as ‘the real’ even as i am often affected, sometimes for a while by experience of them.)
in this dream, i was at work. the receptionist paged me and i went downstairs. there was a county sheriff in the lobby. he handed me some papers and asked me to sign for them. i did so.
the sheriff left. curious and not a little concerned, i opened the paperwork and read it. it was a court summons. i was being hauled into court for stalking.
i was being hauled into court for stalking someone who lives over a thousand miles away from me. someone i’ve never met.
my jaw dropped. incredulous. and angry. and strangely exhilarated. they had finally stepped over the line and now i had the opportunity to make it clear in every conceivable way how completely wrong they were and are about everything.
the date was set for the next day. the part of me that would normally think this bizarre didn’t even notice it. somehow, almost magically, i was there.
i enter the courtroom and there are about ten people sitting in the benches behind the two tables. i take my seat at the defense table… alone. i do not bother to look at the other table. it doesn’t matter.
the judge enters. we all rise. they call the court to order. the clerk makes the calendar call, we’re the only case. the judge asks if the prosecution is ready. they affirm. the judge asks if the defense is ready. i affirm.
there is no jury. nor do i motion for one. what i need to say is clear and for once, someone who is impartial is going to hear it all. that is good enough for me.
the prosecution begins their case. they set forth all the things i have read over time. they set forth example after example which they say proves their case. they are asking the court to put me in jail.
they call the plantiff and one witness. they present no other evidence. the judge asks me if i wish to cross-examine. i say yes.
i call the plantiff to the stand. i ask him a series of questions with regard to every encounter, specifically, how it was initiated and how it proceeded.
when he asserts knowledge he does not have, i interrupt and demand he produce evidence to support the assertion.
in every case he is unable to do so. further questioning as to whether or not he has, in any manner, ANY evidence other than his own assumption to proceed upon reveals that, in fact, he does not.
the prosecution has not raised a single objection. they are unable to… i proceed along relevent lines, refusing all openings to stray.
i dismiss the plantiff. the judge asks if the prosecution wishes to redirect. the prosecution says no. they understand all too well now that the case is based on speculation and assumption at best. they also understand their client is wide open to counter-suit.
i look at the prosecuting attorney briefly. she is sweating. i nod once, slowly. she understands and she knows that i know. she fidgets briefly and looks away. ashamed.
the plantiff himself and the witness are oblivious.
i call the witness to the stand. i proceed slowly through the same questions. this one is more willing to try and ramble off
assumptions… thinking perhaps that uttering them makes them true.
i let him proceed. every false accusation is but fodder to my own counter-suit. let him set them all upon the record. the prosecuting attorney wants to interrupt him, but she can’t. so long as i don’t, she’s helpless.
the judge’s eyes are narrowing. he understands, too. and he’s not happy.
finally, i dismiss the witness. the judge asks the prosecuting attorney if she wishes to redirect, she can’t get the word ‘no’ out fast enough.
the prosecution asks for a ten minute recess. the judge grants it.
the three of them confer. the attorney is gesturing vehemently and looks angry. the plantiff and witness are wearing looks that i know as mulishness. eventually, she sighs and shakes her head, then they return to the table.
now it’s my turn to present my case. considering i am representing myself, it was decided in chambers earlier than i may be sworn in, then read my statement for the record, and the prosecuting attorney may question me at any time, make objections (which will be dealt with as they arise), and the redirect will rest with me.
this is the moment i have been waiting for since i got yanked into this mess. i am curiously calm. peaceful even. no flutter of blood pressure, no anger, nothing. just… there.
i am sworn in, i take a slow breath in and begin…
i carefully outline the events and present records and emails and time stamped ISP information in support of them.
i present the progression of things through the time at which the request in question was made.
i present the last items leading to the recent past.
in closing, i speak quietly, clearly, and directly to the judge. i have not once wanted or needed to look elsewhere.
i say only those things i know to be true, and only those things i can directly prove by way of the dispositions of those who know me or who have personal knowledge of the events. their sworn statements are also introduced to evidence.
the prosecuting attorney knows better than to object.
i point out my own decision to shut down any avenue of contact and the fact that indeed, there has been absolute silence ever since.
at this point, i file a motion to dismiss. i also file a motion to restrain plantiff and the witness from contacting me, from visiting any domain i own, or from attempting in any way to impede my presence or participation in certain venues wherein shared presence occurs.
the judge calls for a thirty minute recess to review and then, return with his decision.
i wait for them to exit. then leave myself, making sure to go in the opposite direction… not wanting in any way, shape, or form to grant them even a crumb of delusion with regard to my total disinterest in them.
i go to the corner coffeeshop and get a doppio. i slowly smoke a djarum special and watch the time. i return early, so i arrive before them and none of us suffer for my presence ‘behind them’. i take my seat and wait.
the judge returns. the court is called to order.
the judge says he has reviewed the evidence from both side and has reached a decision.
when he returns, he begins by explaining certain terms of law, recent precedents, and the criteria by which the accusation being levied against me must be established and proven to a point of legal satisfaction.
he then goes through the various counts/examples submitted by the plantiff and states succinctly that they fail to meet these criteria.
he continues to say that there are, however, a number of legal remedies in place to address those who bring slanderous suits against others. he also points out that at this moment, the documents introduced by me establish quite well that in fact, the witness in question and even the plantiff themselves have engaged in acts that very clearly meet the definition of stalking by even the most strict legal terms.
he makes a point of looking directly at the two sitting at the other table and saying slowly and with inflection, “should defendant decide to file counter-claim in this court at this time, it is well within my jurisdiction and authority to decide the matter and i have to tell you, it will not go well for you gentleman.”
at this point, he turns to me and asks if i have any further requests, counter-claims, or motions to file with the court.
i say yes, i have only one…. i am given permission to approach and i deliver the item to the judge and hand a copy of it to the bailiff for delivery to the prosecuting attorney.
they both are reviewing it. the judge finishes first and looks again toward prosecution’s table, “defendant’s initial motions to injunct your contact or interaction by telephone, facsimile, email, and certain technological means consistent with use of the internet are granted.”
he pauses a moment, then continues, “both of you are forbidden to contact defendant via these or any other means. ever.
should you violate the terms of this restraining order, you will be subject to a fine of $1,000.00 per instance and/or prosecution for criminal harrassment. do you understand the terms of this restraining order?”
they both nod, but do not speak.
“you are required to speak for the record, gentleman.” the judge says.
“yes, i understand.” they both quietly say.
the court recorder taps the phonemic keys and sets the answers into record.
“defendant has also requested that in those places where your actions and words have resulted in the casting of aspersions on her good character, that you place letters of public apology, written in your own hand, signed, and digitally scanned for delivery as may be needed in certain digital domains. she asks that these items remain publicly present and freely accessible by any who might visit for a period no less than one year. this motion is granted.”
here, the judge pauses a moment and refers to the motion itself, then continues, “defendant also requests relief equal to the amount of court costs. this court deems it a reasonable request and grants it. you are to tender payment in full of the amounts listed in this motion to this court within thirty business days. do you understand these items, gentlemen?”
they both say, “yes, your honor.” and it is recorded by the court.
the judge looks to me a moment, nods once, then continues, “defendant has made one further request that this court deems reasonable and intends to see granted.” here, he pauses, clears his throat, and then, looking once more to the prosecution’s table, proceeds, “defendant requests that here, in this court, before adjourning, each of you, on the record, tender formal apology to defendant for the undue emotional and personal stress and suffering inflicted upon her.”
here, the judge pauses and then, adds, “apparently, in all of this, from what i read and see, never once have either of you actually apologized for the abyssmal treatment you’ve asked her to endure. it is my duty to advise that you may choose to refuse, in which case this court will find you in contempt and levy the appropriate fines and/or jail time as it may deem fitting.”
the judge turns what is by now a stony gaze to the two and asks, “how do you decide?”
before they can speak, i cough softly and interject, “if i may, your honor?”
“yes?” he asks.
“i wish to withdraw that last motion.” i say.
the judge looks confused, “may i ask why?”
fully aware the recorder is transcribing, i smile, “actually, i was rather hoping you would.”
the judge nods, “proceed then…”
“an apology is only meaningful if it is sincere. there is very little i have experienced of these two that has been, in any manner, sincere.
while it would soothe the jagged edges to hear them apologize, the fact is, they would do so only because refusing would mean paying fines and spending time in jail.
if nothing can convince them how and why the things they have chosen to do should bring remorse and sincere apology, then any value such a thing could ever hold here is undone.
the public notices i demand for the manner in which their actions have unjustly biased others against me. i have no compunction in insisting on redress there.
but their personal inability to look beyond themselves is not a situation i or any other can ever hope to cure. only time and to reap the harvest themselves could ever do such a thing.”
the judge nods, “noted. motion withdrawn.” he turns to the prosecution table, “case dismissed.” he turns to me, “you are free to go.”
the bailiff escorts me out while the prosecution waits for my departure to leave themselves as is customary.
i leave the courthouse and walk slowly out to the sidewalk of the square. i am crying. i can barely see. relieved. so relieved. at last it is really over. they cannot hurt me anymore.
i walk across town to the park. in my handbag is a small left over croissant from breakfast. i sit for a time and feed the birds and squirrels until there is no possibility they could be anywhere around.
then, i exhale slowly and close my eyes. when i inhale again, i am in my bed…. awake. five minutes until the alarm goes off. i chuckle.