the last two weeks have been a bit on the helpful side. not for the reasons you might think.
this entire adventure of meeting people and getting out and sitting down and doing the face to face thing reminds me of a lot of things. most of which aren’t going to be helpful to say aloud, so i’ll not be putting them here.
the things i can say here would include the realization that i really do know precisely what i want and why i want it. i can actually sustain every bit of it within myself and have no compunction in affirming it to myself. and, of course, it seems i truly am either alien or so far off the beaten track that i’d be better off to find a cave than continue trying to find a mate or life partner.
i have met some very interesting and genuinely nice people. good folks. kind folks. thoughtful folks. folks i look forward to having some interesting and mutually enjoyable friendships with… maybe even close friendships.
i refrain from setting the next sentence to words because it smacks of a conclusion and judgment i’m just not willing to make. but it occurs to me that not saying it may just be foolishness, since the words are echoing in my head. thought is as well as spoken when it comes to these things, truly.
at this moment, i’m chuckling and shaking my head wryly for all the things that remain the same over these many years… and the silliness of thinking i would find them magically different if i got out of the house more often. osmosis among the crowd. hah. as if.
this has, however, done me a great deal of good in restoring my perspective. i had not realized how warped it had become thanks to the self-inflicted solitude.
i’ve been spinning my wheels these last eight years. something about that realization is traction. i can feel it. it’s a good feeling. i’m curious to see where it goes from here.