i suppose i should take comfort in the fact that these always show up right before some manner of quantum leap.
i went out today. just to get fresh air, see the sky, see people, and smile. i took myself to a good breakfast and then, to the local petsmart. on a whim, of course. i thought of perhaps adopting a cat. goodness knows, it is likely a foolishness, since i haven’t been able to keep a pet to its natural demise in all my life.
all the same, i went. and there were perfectly adorable cats there. one in particular i really wanted to take home. but i could nto afford the adoption fee and it turned out that they were of that particularly odd variety of folk who want to investigate your home before deciding if you’re a ‘fit owner’. i suppose you can guess how far that got here.
but i did pick up a flier just to have…just in case.
it wasn’t until i got to the car and looked at it that i noticed… on the front page was a listing for a pair of cats up for adoption. they are identical twins to the two i had to leave behind in florida. i mean it. right down to their expressions and the little splotch of white under the chin. i’m tempted to post the pictures in comparison. but i’m not going to bother. suffice to say it made me cry. i miss my cats and i can’t afford these two, but they looked so much alike that i felt as if i should adopt them. only i can’t.
anyway.
i comforted myself by going to the bookstore. wandering the stacks and checking to see if the price on the lord of the rings trilogy had finally come to a reasonable range. i’ve been yearning to have that extended collection every since it came out. i noted the price and sighed…. preparing to give it up when i remembered… and upon digging in my purse, located an ancient gift card. i had to laugh. you have NO IDEA how long that thing has languished in my purse. i had forgotten i had it. and in the process, i also found a 20% coupon, equally tattered, but without expiration date.
so. i treated myself. and yes, i bought it. and no, i will NOT feel guilty for it. i all but sang my way home and spent the remainder of the evening enjoying the first movie and every last scrap of extras stuffed onto four dvds (four!!).
i’ve been fighting the urge to write peter jackson a letter. i suppose it will sound silly. maybe. but in the days when i was a cast off child, unwanted and uncared for and a good many other things i won’t talk about here… i found and read tolkien’s high epic and it was something of a life saver for me. a preserver. something to hold onto when it just seemed i would never have anything at all.
you’ll laugh, i suppose, but i used to dream that world. i was there. things made sense and people were good and when they said they cared, they meant it… and when they promised, they kept it… and if you worked at it hard enough, were strong enough, were determined enough, and truly did your best, things worked out. maybe not perfectly, but they did work out.
there’s a good bit more meaning in it all for me, but i suppose it would only sound sophomoric. maybe it is. or maybe i’m just that oddly naive type who can’t get it through her head that the world and people are ever less than filled with potential and possibility.
anyway. yes. finally. i have the movie and i am enjoying it. immensely. peter jackson and the people who saw this tale set to live action film have fulfilled a dream i’ve had since the first time i read the story at age 8 and had begun to think would never be possible. so in a way, i guess you could say the reaffirmed my belief in possibilities… which is a beautiful thing indeed.
the remainder of the synchronicities i decide not to record here. mostly because i am working on not thinking of them anymore and it seems unhelpful that failures should receive notice. sorry. i know that’s horribly rude, but there you have it.
it’s a bit after 3am and i haven’t slept yet…. i’m not so much wound up as worn down. it has been an emotional week (weird week always is) and i’m a little annoyed with myself for having given this place up to the point where it’s no longer the anonymous, safe place to set all things. i could do it anyway, but you’d have to promise not to start pegging me with questions about it all.
bleh. no, i’m wrong, i think i’ve ruined this aspect of it. i sigh. we’ll see, i suppose.
i’ve reached that awkward point where i’m either going to end this post or spill it all out anyway.