I love my mother. But I could not be around her because she was so hateful in her alcoholism.
I love my father. But I could not be around him because he was so physically and emotionally abusive.
I love my sister. But I do not have the strength to cope with her bi-polar challenges.
I love my grandparents and great-grandparents. But they passed long before I was an adult.
I love my son. But I gave him up because my ex-husband and his new wife were using him to try and hurt me, and recklessly hurting him in the process.
I love my daughter. But I gave her up because she falsely states that I abused, neglected, and traumatized her; so clearly is not able to give me the closeness, care, and compassion she always demands for herself.
I love my grandchildren, even though I didn’t get to help with their birth, have a part in their naming, help my daughter offset post-partnum adjustments, or give any of them my care and love.
I love my husband and to this day, can say without doubt that he is the only human being on this planet in my lifetime that has been able or willing to care for me. We care for one another and we manage that over these many years (nearly 12!) by talking honestly and explicitly to one another, with one another, and while mindfully observing our vow to be caring, kind, and loving to one another.
It occurs to me that perhaps vows should make a comeback. Mine to life in general still exists, though I don’t think I’ve ever explicated it.
Perhaps another time.