finally, it ends. the last vestige of involvement is severed and the closure it brings seems in this moment a giddy thing. i suppose it will seem strange that changes in a virtual world can so clearly affect the real one, but in many ways, the two seemed to ever blend and i have to admit, to at last be fully free from the hateful, spiteful people in both worlds is the true closure i needed.
it has been well over three weeks since the ghosts of that virtual world attempted to haunt. i never feared the ghosts of the virtual world, their angsts and pettinesses were ever indication of a deeper set of issues than i wanted to admit, but they were known in the back of my mind. the truth of things is demonstrated in that their absence has resulted in such a profoundly positive atmosphere for all of us. it is a good change, and i admit, i am happier for it.
it occurs to me that had they thought for a moment that i would cull all of them for being disruptions and provocateurs of drama and angst, they might never have thrown the leadership to me. but in this, an even more pointed validation of how warped it had all become… and i am glad to no longer endure their poisonous need for gossip and the rather ‘starchamber-esque’ methods they enjoyed employing.
i have found it interesting that in the face of knowing my willingness to welcome them should they be willing to turn from such things, they prefer to sit elsewhere and grumble amongst themselves. dysfunction seems very self-sustaining in them, and it has been pointed out to me the methods that evidence the label of dysfunction is aptly applied.
i sigh and smile. it passes. they have no more control over me, and no power to impact or impede the efforts upon the other server… the poetic justice of it all is a sweet, sweet thing. vindicated by our growth in the face of their continued withering, and i would be sad for them except it is wholly self-inflicted. i no longer have it in me to feel more than pity for those who, unable to change, are yet surprised that words without actions do not deliver results.
shifting to ‘other news’, the re-write of history is underway at work. i chuckle at how many times this process has iterated, and carefully stockpile the many snippets and ideas for the day when they might be un-earthed and seen as gems. a largess of information, let it never be said that the compulsion to archive is a bad thing. too many times it has saved me headache to be seen otherwise. i find my stock rising as the time spent researching and gaming lends more and more often to inquiry by our executives. it is good to feel as if all this time in front of the computer has not been a total waste.
home life is peaceful, the kittens enter a growth phase and are settling from manic curiosity into calm domesticity. i’m looking forward to a visit from my friend in England later in the fall, and may be traveling to visit another friend recently relocated to the states from England. i seem awash in Englishmen, which is strange to me. i chuckle here. good blokes, though.
i’m thinking about trying to get back into sculpting or perhaps pick up a flower-arranging class or something on the lightly domestic/creative side as a means of getting myself out of the house a little more. while it remains true that i disdain most of what passes for ‘social interaction’ these days, i’m not quite willing to be an utter recluse. the jaunts to the local billiard room have mostly ended as co-workers and i are both slogged under with work… but perhaps soon, this will lighten and we can enjoy a night of smokey pool room fun.
i think back a moment to that comment about wasting my time in front of a computer. i cannot really say i consider it such, even as i know many who are outside looking in might label it so. i have made some very deep and treasured friendships over the years… and it is rare enough to meet life-long friends in the real, so finding them in the virutal and seeing them last (and often outlast) those in the real is a blessing indeed.
ending here, as i think i’ve been staring at the monitor too long and the beginnings of a monster headache rises. serves me right for not remembering to wear my glasses instead of the contacts. heh. some day, lasik surgery. i might just curl up with the kittens tonight for a while… and then, later, when my virtual family wakes up, enjoy the act of bringing shandala into the world to cheers rather than sneers.. and bask a time in the soft light of friendships made in honesty and trust, rather than suspicion and dysfunction.
it’s true you know, all things pass. and i’m slowly finding that is a good thing.