I worry for my daughter and my grand-daughters. Does she, I wonder, realize that she is directly in the cross-hairs of current ICE efforts, alongside her daughters? Her father is Afghani (posing as Indian due to some hush-hush diplomatic status in the 80’s) and she is a citizen thanks to our birthright citizenship, which is a legal status that extends through her to her daughters. Now that this government is using HHS (medical), IRS (tax), and SSA (work) records to track and identify their new definition of ‘illegal’, all three are at risk and I seriously doubt this is even […]
My last words on this (estrangement)
When I look back on our family’s journey, it feels like a series of events that spiraled out of control, leading to a permanent estrangement that is both heartbreaking and deeply painful. When my daughter was 12, I had to let her live with her father for two years while I consulted on the road in an attempt to stabilize our family during the economic hardships of 2000-2001. I promised to have a place for her within two years, which I accomplished. But she “didn’t like” where I was living and rejected me, returning to live with her father. Even […]
Rubin Lilies & Resolutions
Someone today asked if I had children and, for the first time in my life, I could legitimately say, “No.” I have birthed two human beings. Miscarried two more. The end result, for me, turns out to be the same; none remain, albeit for different causes. The first, a son, prefers the lies of his adoptive parent to the truth of court records. So be it. The second, a daughter, prefers the false narrative of “innocence wounded without cause” to the truth of her poor choices bringing harsh consequences. So be it. Both would tell you I didn’t love them, […]
Ah, bow dee chee tah
I want to sacrifice myself spread-eagle on a mountaintop; flesh-freed and soul-lifted, flit into the trees, the sky I ponder immortal impossibilities content myself with the 2nd law never dying, shifting forms, a return to the place before I was born The pun of the vas defer ens: halls of the fathers, I smile; life is rarely solemn, too busy bubbling for egress, release The vast differences of life diversity in which rests strength; a lesson that sapient, mammal apes seem oddly loathe to embrace By thinking, too inured to think; in thinking, too short of sight; myopic multitudes, among […]
Liberation
For the record – you were not abandoned. This is what being abandoned is like: https://www.quora.com/What-does-it-feel-like-to-be-abandoned-by-your-mother Also, you were not emotionally neglected. This is what emotional neglect is like: https://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/emoionally-absent-mother You were wanted. You were cared for. You were loved. Significant effort, care, and time were devoted to you from the day of your birth right up until February 15th of 2018. Was I perfect? Far from it. Did I get it right, all the time? Hardly. Was there room for improvement, learning, and compromise? Always. Did I ever tell you I was sorry I had you… or that I […]
WILBDHMDHMNM
I love my mother. But I could not be around her because she was so hateful in her alcoholism. I love my father. But I could not be around him because he was so physically and emotionally abusive. I love my sister. But I do not have the strength to cope with her bi-polar challenges. I love my grandparents and great-grandparents. But they passed long before I was an adult. I love my son. But I gave him up because my ex-husband and his new wife were using him to try and hurt me, and recklessly hurting him in the […]
Factual Attribution Error
I did not place you with Dean & Diane. I placed you with your father. I have no idea how you got from your father’s to Dean and Diane’s, but no one ever talked to me or had me sign anything or even said it was happening. I was contacted by Diane and told I needed to send her child support. I told her I didn’t know what the heck she was talking about, but you were supposed to be living with your dad. She never did tell me how all that came down, maybe you can find out. I […]