woke up this morning feeling refreshed and rejuvenated on many levels. yesterday was something of a watershed day, and things on both personal and professional levels begin to turn to new and better things.
i find myself wishing i could talk more about my work here. but it is impossible without speaking to things that i am obligated to keep silent upon until much later. but oh, what enjoyment it is to write for this company and create new worlds and the stories of the people and places contained in it. i feel very blessed indeed to have found this work, and when i contemplate the many possible paths it may follow as it continues, there is very little that is not delight.
today, i received a request from the producer to revisit some items, and the manner in which it was delivered was a vindication — as i had fought with those designing to undertake precisely what is now being ask of me, only to have them roundly reject the idea as being ‘un-necessary’. it is not so much about ‘being right’ as it is a vindication of the reality that such things have meaning and should not be relegated to ‘second class status’ just because it is not as convenient at this moment to include them.
there is a lot to be said for doing something right the first time, and as well for listening to those who bring insight and experience to the table. yes, i will admit, i have been lightly disgruntled for the manner in which what i offer has been denigrated and judged to be ‘unimportant’, but in this moment, it all fades to sunny contentment because, once more, timing and the universe demonstrate all things arrive as they should… even if others might think to refuse them.
heh. the parallels between my professional and personal life are, at times, fascinating. i re-read what i’ve written so far and the similarities seem strange. it makes me wonder what the over-arching lesson is for me. if i am seeing it already, and only in the process of assimilation and absorption will it become clearer.
it sometimes feels strange to see such things, or to feel as if their meaningfulness is unique to my perspective. surely not. is it possible that such parallels can exist without purpose? i cannot imagine it. the denigration of a peer at work is similar to the denigration of one in my recent past… the same dynamic, the same underlying reasons, and the same methods in play. it does seem strange, but to deny reality is hardly the proper response. so i set myself to watch, listen, and learn… and leave it to the universe to bring what lessons are needed.
a tangent now… sharp turn… i went to pick up a new video card yesterday. got it home and discovered the motherboard i have is not the one my receipt from the manufacturer says i purchased. it has no PCI-E slot. and taking the card back, it seems they no longer make the card i want in PCI (defunct technology). there were AGP cards and i do have an AGP slot, but none of them had the amount of video memory i need for the work i do (graphic design, light 3D modeling/animation). so… no upgrade for me. indeed, i have allowed technology to lap me and now am likely looking at a new system to get the power required. i sigh. more expense than i wanted to incur. it will wait. for now.
in other news, the daughter’s surgery is tomorrow. so the nerves are all frayed and sensitive and worry as only a mother can manage is rising. kidnapping is still a felony, so i suppose i’ll just have to be as supportive as i can and hope that it all goes smoothly.
let’s see… the kittens are doing great. settling down nicely. no more climbing up the naked leg, which is nice. (chuckle)
as for the apartment, one of the sprinklers has sprung a leak and they’re coordinating the arrival of the company to correct it. there is a rather large, wet stain on the ceiling that is spreading slowly… but nothing at risk under it. may they arrive soon.
as for the cable, after four visits, two and a half days lost from work, and still no service, i have, in annoyance, cancelled it. i’ll save up instead for statellite. the incompetence of the local company is mindboggling. if they manage to terminate the service without messing up my internet access, i will be astounded. i suppose we’ll see.
not much else at the moment… i’m considering finally investing in furniture, as it seems this job is going to last and it isn’t going to all come crashing down around me ears unexpectedly. it’s funny… i hadn’t realised until now that i was ‘holding my breath’ waiting for disaster to strike. the conditioning of the last six years, coming through losing everything, the whole ‘dot com’ bust, transitioning out of the technology sector and into the gaming industry… along with all the related catastrophes and changes to this point… had really set me into something of a ‘turtle’ mode.
that mental image makes me chuckle. me, sitting in my little aparment, only poking my head out now and again, and immediately pulling it back in if anything looks too dangerous. turtle indeed. heh. but… interestingly… i feel a change coming… maybe an earlier post here was not too far off the mark. precursor to becoming, return to life, the pulse of interest and delight in living rising careful slow, but still, rising.
the thought of returning to life is a giddy thing. to walk in the world unafraid and happy again… to not feel as if at any moment, some amazing stroke of disaster is going to befall me. to no longer fear that someone i count on is going to abandon me. to not be so dependant on another again… good things, all.
for all people are sometimes cruel and uncaring, it remains the universe that holds us all is not. i will set my trust in it instead, and find my bliss in knowing i am part of all. it is…. and as it is, it is enough.