it passes. i am absurdly relieved. for a moment, i contemplate the nature of hormonal change and the reality that, regardless what i would prefer, nature still has entirely too much hold… and sigh.
cleaned the apartment today. i think i scared the kittens. so many things strewn about to explore and now, all of it put away. they didn’t quite know what to do with the space. last i checked, they were both sitting quietly in the corner of the living room, curled up together, eyes like owls, blinking slowly. heh.
tomorrow, today i suppose, i go to spend the day with my daughter. i am enjoying these weekend days with her. every sunday, a regular thing. role reversal, i take my laundry to her place. we watch a movie, or go out to eat, or just sit around and talk. for now, no going out. she’s still recovering and will be for another week yet. but it feels good to just linger with one another and rebuild the closeness.
in other news, the sideline work with oDesk (www.odesk.com) is turning into a very positive thing. it is nice to know that, should things suddenly explode, this is an option. many irons near at hand, many options. this is comfort.
not much else to say at the moment. obligatory entries such as this are likely to be far less interesting. i suppose there is something to be said for it, since most things otherwise are of that melancholy manner.
i return to reading ‘in the words of my perfect teacher’, something of a layman’s book on the many steps of learning and becoming in the buddhist tradition. upon the counter near the kitchen rests the pali cannon, translated. i’ll get to it. i consider the remainder of the contemplations i intend to write… and have lightly chided myself for recent thoughts of turning from this. in this, the only true sense of meaning i have ever found or known. i will not lightly reject it, for all despair might think to such ends.
i would speak of a recent shift that brings hope, but do not wish to risk shattering it by its mention. instead, a nod without further words… and careful steps… very careful steps. there is very little in this life that has so deeply changed and affected me… as with buddhism, i will not lightly turn.
i am sleepy at a reasonable hour for a change. going to take advantage of it.