sometimes, circumstances are a real pain. i do not usually talk about work here, mostly because much of what i do is proprietary and cannot be mentioned.
however, today, i am doing so.
we have got some kind of trouble happening. i do not know what it is, because those who run the company tend to be uncommunicative. it is actually an issue that is hurting us all on ever conceivable level. but that’s another story and i am not going there at the moment.
for the last three months, we, those who work for this company, have been enduring what i’ll refer to as ‘sluggish’ payroll. apparently, the company does not have its own funds, but, every two weeks, receives an infusion of capital from the investors.
i won’t go into how and why a company might choose to operate this way. but anyone familiar with corporations, business, etc. likely can draw the appropriate conclusions.
lately, like for the last three months, the investors have apparently decided it is ok to pay everyone late. it began with direct deposit not being credited when expected. and when this was brought forward as an issue that is costing employees money and should be reimbursed, direct deposit was cancelled and we were returned to hand-cut checks.
that was two months ago. over the last month, those checks have been arriving only after 4 pm — when it is known the funding bank has closed for the day.
again, i won’t elaborate, but leave it to those with insight to consider why this occurs.
i am in the process of removing electronic debiting from my monthly accounts because i can no longer count upon being paid when i am supposed to… and, over the course of this last month, have incurred over $300 in charges, which has resulted in throwing my entire budget off kilter (anyone familiar knows i’ve been ‘shoe-stringing it’ for some time now).
all of this to get to today… where i sit, yet again, looking at what will be bounced debits tonight… and considering my situation, which is currently as follows:
– we face a holiday weekend and banks will be closed on monday.
– rent is due today, and late as of monday.
– i’m out of food.
– i’m almost out of gas.
– the cats are almost out of food.
needless to say, this is not a happy situation. and it occurs with enough regularity now that i begin to serious consider that perhaps changes should be made.
it is an interesting thing, how the three aspects of life — work, home, and personal are never quite in full balance. whenever one or two are going well, the third is almost guaranteed to be twitching on the ground in some manner of fit.
home life is peaceful. personal life is peaceful. therefore work life…. i grin wryly.
if i were the sort to struggle with anxiety, i’m sure this would have me torn up. thankfully, i’m not. however, i am the sort to struggle with anger, and the disregard implicit in this scenario has me working to push it back.
there’s a lot more happening at this company that concerns me… but it isn’t a worthy expenditure of energy to go into it. something has got to change. i suspect it will wind up being me.
addendum, 4:30pm – working from home today, not an unusual occurrence, when the email notification chimed. it would seem they have decided they do not need a writer at this time, and have decided to terminate my employment. by email. i cannot say it surprised me, the last two months considered, but i suppose i expected slightly more from them. i sit here and am uncertain why i would have such expectations, again, all things considered.
it remains to see how or if they will choose regarding unemployment. i cannot file until Tuesday, thanks to the holiday. i suspect that was not excluded from the thought process behind this.
thankfully, rent is paid for the month, and there is a small amount left over to get by upon. i am already sending out resumes, and, should it turn ill, will likely go to the local Walmart or whatever and take whatever i can find until better comes along.
so, yet another dream dies. oddly, i am calm. life has ever been filled with such flips and twists as this, and, if nothing else, i know i will survive. there is comfort in the thought. i think for a moment of the progress made from the losses of 1999-2000 to date, and the manner in which wounds delivered in the years since have been tended so that here, in this moment, i am not devastated by happenings and circumstance. and i realise the blessings of the universe in it, and am thankful for its care.
life goes on. so will i. the lesson of impermanence repeats and i note it without more than needing to do so. this, an unexpected blessing, one for which i am also deeply thankful.