i have no idea what comes next. and having moved through the initial fear, i find myself strangely exhilarated. at this moment, all possibilities exist. there’s something uniquely beautiful about it. it will not last, of course. nothing does. the on-going lesson of inpermanence is sometimes difficult to accept, but i try more than i used to… perhaps that counts for something.
i do not look too far ahead. both because it is pointless and because i know the cliff is there, somewhere. setting all thought to this moment, i refuse the temptation to worry, fret, fear, and hope. of all things i need in this moment, despair is not among the number and those four seem only able to bring them.
oddly liberated. the best way to describe this moment. i feel the path under my feet and it remains smooth… mantra of centering is now a friend, and the sense of emptiness that seemed so difficult to hold rests, a warm presence about me.
interesting how crisis delivers this so immediately. i had forgotten that it worked this way. a breath, a shiver, a thought, and then — nothing but the old friend, that swell of Focus that rises to sweep me to the next lesson.
i cannot help myself, i smile. reflex, but also reminder. whatever reason brings this, may it be met, and well served.
om mani padme hum
om benza guru pema sidhe hum