waking from sleep. suddenly. i recognize this.
ok. nod. there it is. what of it?
nothing.
seems to me it has all happened precisely as it should. i remind myself of my roles. i once listed them to another, and at that time, they insisted rather forcefully that i was incorrect. i chuckle to think of it in this moment, as time and events have demonstrated rather pointedly that, as usual, i was spot on in every way.
i suppose that might sound arrogant to someone looking for something to take offense to. it is not. it is simply the truth. i tick them off in my mind… catalyst. check. agent of change. check. transitory presence. check.
all the same, regardless time, place, people, or circumstance. makes me smile, even as it makes me ache. everything in its right place, including me, even if my ‘right place’ isn’t one place at all, but many, and only for moments.
someone told me about a thing called the ‘near miss’… at the time, i found it a sad thing, because it seemed more their excuse than anything. but lately, i see it differently… and that they used it as excuse really doesn’t matter. in the end, it too, served its purpose, for them, for me, perhaps for us all.
when i am still and quiet, when there is only the breath, sometimes, i can see for very great distances indeed. and i remember another telling me how they were finished with such efforts to see and i remember the many times in which i wished i were blind, but could not mean it enough to actually gouge out my ‘eyes’. i think about it all and i think maybe, just maybe, i managed to help and heal after all… perhaps in much deeper and long lasting ways than even i suspected were possible.
it is a contenting thought and now that all sense of attachment is gone, i realise that even that played its part in creating the result. had there been no attachment, the endurance would have been untenable at best and impossible at worst. all things in their right place. i smile. what better example of how it all flows to the correct result could one possibly ask?