it is interesting the manner in which the universe often sends confirmations and the like when least expected and therefore, most helpful.
two nights ago, and again today, i receive word from someone who tells me the pattern repeats and once more a house is abandoned by those who know how to speak the words, they just don’t know how to set the actions to match them.
i find it sad how consistently the lesson is avoided, missed, ignored. it is not a difficult one to learn, it requires only that pride be less important than the result. for those in question, at least in this moment, that seems an impossibility.
i discover as well an unexpected lie by someone i thought above such things. one with whom i once died and who wrote me not long ago saying they were forever gone has returned to help weave the old, twisted pattern. i suppose i should have expected it, after all, they are webbed together in that strange pattern.
like pebbles in a pail of water, rattling against its sides and wondering where the ocean is… so odd. i find myself increasingly thankful to be far enough outside and away that i can look at it and see it for what it is. and thankful as well to know that which they abandoned to me is healthy and strong for the decision to shut the door to their return.
i wrote to the lying one and said my goodbyes, leaving the door cracked, but not expecting them to be capable of reaching. the selfish one, some time ago set to the side, V in his scarlet carson shroud, dead to me in every way. the snake was long ago shunned, let him set his fangs elsewhere. he has no power here.
i find it curious, the mirrored triads. three who overcome three who are fear, anger, and desire. in trying to destroy, the selfish one only opened the door for others less fearful to arrive. in seeking to denigrate, the snake only demonstrated all the more and to many where the true anger lay. in turning from truth, the liar demonstrated all the better how desire for a thing impedes all things.
the saddest part is, for a time i could see their best parts, better than they did, apparently… for they ever and always turn to rebuild the warped pattern and refuse to embrace them… for all they pay the most tender lipservice possible to them.
so many lessons learned in these three, most from finding my way to stop counting on their best parts and accept that it will be some time before they find them.
i learned how to match words to actions by watching all the ways they chose not to do so.
i learned how to be forgiving by watching them avoid it at every turn.
i learned how to be kinder by watching them relish being cruel.
i learned how to be caring by watching them burn those who did in every moment.
i learned how to be selfless by acting opposite their selfishness.
i learned how to overcome disappointment by permitting myself to feel every moment in which they might have chosen otherwise, but would not.
i learned how to loose expectation by watching them gleefully cut all who dared believe in them and put trust in their promises to pieces… repeatedly.
most of all, i learned the best lessons often come from those who refuse themselves to learn them… because they alone can both mouth the words and refuse their meaning and in the doing, display both cause and effect for the observant eye to see.
many thanks to this dark triad. many blessings to them. many smiles for the learning they delivered, in spite of themselves. may they find peace and contentment. may they some day know how fully they are forgiven. may they have every dream arrive in the moment they desire it.