i have a love/hate relationship with the rain. love it for the smell, the feel, the tickly droplets on my skin. hate it for the precipitous pain preceding its arrival. oh the pun. irony. hah. it has been raining for the last three days. i felt it coming over the weekend. stocked up on aspirin.
anyway. this seems to be a time of some fairly massive shifting here. i’m having strange dreams. i’m pondering old themes. i’m cleaning out the closet, so to speak. an interesting time, review, rate, resolve, reliniquish, relief. heh. lot of ‘r’s’ there. brief flash of the ‘new learning’ — five r’s instead of three.
i have a short list of people, friends, who have busy lives and are often out of touch. they all maintain sites of some manner, and as this is the case, i generally keep up with what they’re about so when we next speak, i have some sense of ‘where they are’ in life.
i’ve recently removed three people from my list of ‘folks to keep up with’. a big change for me, an admission that the distance has become too great to continue thinking it’s just a transitory gap in closeness. life goes on. people leave.
i’ve been dragging memories and hurts out of the closet. old natty blankets, frayed at the edges, anyone else would look at them and wonder why i keep them at all. i often wonder myself. maybe, sometimes, the old and worn, tattered and torn are odd comforts. reminders of things overcome… reminders of things that might have been… security blankets clutched at night, when the light is gone, warm fuzziness until you can see the sun.
the rain woke me early today. achy joints and muscles and nerves throbbing. i think about the job hunt and how the phone isn’t ringing. other thoughts that i’m not willing to give letters to… tired and aching… look out the window… no sun today. gather up the blankets, fold them neatly into piles and sit in the metaphorical corner with them all around me. not quite ready to throw them away just yet.