the pettiness of some never fails to amaze. while doing routine maintenance for a guild domain i host (an online mmo), i discover the snake has made particular effort to bury our domain at google by opening the defunct one he holds and permitting the googlebot to index every page, link, and reference… effectively insuring any attempt to search for the healthy, thriving domain will be, if not impossible, then difficult for any but the seasoned search engine veteran.
i admit, i laugh. as if such a thing will affect or impede. still, the overt malice and dedication to negative effort is mildly disturbing. i suspect this individual spends far more time than is healthy thinking up ways to try and harm. i find myself filled with pity for him… how hard it must be to move through the denial, obviously.
when the split occurred, this snake was long gone, having been the first to abandon ship in the face of being unable to maintain the level of drama and intrigue that seems so important to him. he tried his best to set distance and anger between friends. in the end, he succeeded. i would not want his kharma for all the world.
since then, he was foolish enough to threaten me. once. i admit, i laughed at it. he has not the power to harm me… and barely the power to annoy me. i don’t think he quite understands that such things are choices. i wonder if he knows how much he reveals in his choices to engage in these petty attempts to impede and destroy.
it is interesting, in a casual way… as i understand it, this poor soul tried to kill himself not too very long ago. perhaps the only way he can maintain is to hate. a sad thought, but it seems accurate enough. ironically, i also understand this fellow proclaims himself some worker of energy and healing. i wonder if he ever considers the contradiction in his words and his actions… or how those actions actively impede his own apparent interest in being more than a spiteful, petty, and unusually obssessed soul?
i do not waste much time thinking of him. have not since his initial departure from my sphere of life… which was, both to me and many others, a huge relief. but in this moment, seeing yet another swipe from distance, and knowing in it all the venom and pestilance of him, i take a moment to ponder what motivates someone to such extreme ends.
he is, of course, attached to the feeling of loss. but as it was by his own choosing and inability to be other than as he is, i find that wholly self-inflicted and self-sustaining. may the universe sever the threads of clinging, by whatever means are most effective.
he is also attached to the poisons of anger and desire. anger for not being able to bend others to his whim or will, and desire for such control that is, itself, degenerative and unhealthy. may the universe send what is needed to transmute his eagerness for both into better than he cares to strive toward.
in closing, i consider his condemnation and judgment of me, long ago, as someone ‘misguided’ for my interest in helping and healing others… and his pronouncements both publicly and privately that named me unwholesome, taint, arrogant, and smug. and i nod to the reality that his true and pointed self-identification, projection of internal fear were never less than obvious here… and understand at last that he hates me most for succeeding where he so often fails.
may the universe send him comfort and becoming, that one day he has no need to defame others to sustain his sense of self-worth.
as for the search engine and his latest efforts there, i shrug. it is not unusual that he would expect to be more effective than he really is… and if such things as this grant him a sense of peace that might eventually lend to being other than the spite-filled snake he is in this moment, by all means, may he continue.
after all, it isn’t as if those who come to us seek us at google. our house grows by reputation and word of mouth, and these are things he hasn’t the power to as much as breathe upon… besides, the solution to such juvenile efforts is simple enough: