steak and potato in the oven, the smell is at once torment and promise. heh. i’m looking forward to this meal.
the last few days have been spent overhauling the guild domain and setting in place a front end not unlike this one. now that we’re approaching 100 members, it seemed a good idea.
home life remains quiet to the point of boredom. stood up by the daughter once more, this time without even a call, i decide instead of being depressed or dejected over it, i will instead smile to think she is having fun and enjoying whatever it is that holds her attention in this moment.
as for the job search… almost 300 resumes and nary a call. shades of 1999-2000 try to beckon, but i refuse to pay them mind. i’ve gone over the budget and can sustain life as it is on a good deal less than i was making. it will be tight, but if it comes to it, i shall trot myself down to the local retail outlet and spend a while at it. i choose not to worry.
in other news, i’m still scanning pictures. down to old festival albums and family pictures. people i never knew, generations before me. some of them old sepia images my grandmother had in her boxes and trunks.
i have a passing thought to doing more about my family tree. i know my relatives fairly run the southeast, but in truth, i’m hesitant to rediscover those connections. politicians and statesmen and corporate giants and such… i never really wanted ‘that life’ and in all this time, that hasn’t changed.
i ponder the notion of going back to school. i wish i could decide what i would want to do to make such an effort worthwhile. write… teach… sculpt… counsel… it is a short list, but it is a short life, too. i should do more than think about it, but it is hard to find the motivation… which seems an odd realization.
this ‘down time’ of unemployment finds me at something of a loss. it may yet prove to be a good thing.
let’s see… i had a strange dream last night. in it, one of my cats came to me and told me they were beings from another plane of existance and, like all cats, were here to observe and aid humanity to find their greatest potential. i was boggled, of course, and asked why she was ‘revealing’ herself to me.
she chuckled and said, ‘well, we’d like to help you, but find it is impossible without telling you this.’ she said they were having difficulty aiding me because i so rarely looked outside the place i live that it was impossible to navigate help my way. i remember feeling very embarrassed, and softly admitting i did not feel much cause to leave often… that it had become a wearying thing to wander unnoticed and alone in the world.
she pushed her head against my chin, purring, and said, ‘it’s a big world, dear. but as big as it is, it can’t come to you unless you let it.’
in the dream, i fell back to sleep with her curled up by my head, purring. when i woke this morning, she has followed me about the house all day. i chuckle. she/i’m right of course, i need to get outside more often… i resolve to do so this next week. let us see what the universe sends my way.