spent some time with my daughter today. she took me shopping. insisted on buying me a suit to interview in… bought me lunch… we came home and shared the online gallery of baby photos, hers and mine. laughing, being close, and talking about things we’d like to do on some far flung someday.
she intends to travel, she says. she’ll soon be going to school. paying her own way, she’s managed to save up a tidy sum for it. we talked of where she wants to go. for now, she’s staying national. los angeles. new york. denver. chicago. agency stops, from the sound of it. i made her promise to take martial arts classes. she laughed, but nods to necessity.
she asked me about heath. i said there was nothing left to tell. she hugged me. ‘he’s a fool.’ she whispered as i wept. maybe. maybe not. who’s to say? surely not me. it’s odd. i think she’s more angry at him than i ever thought to be. i tell her it’s past and she just huffs at me and rants about all the things he’s missing. made me laugh. role reversal. little lioness ready to slice and dice because i’m wounded.
in the end, she just hugged me tighter and told me i’ll find ‘him’ someday. i was proud of myself for not saying anything. i don’t think it is possible to feel that more than once in life. but maybe she’s right. i suppose we’ll see.
she just left. frenetic energy, she can’t sit still long. bursting with life. she shines. glows. i am so happy for all her tomorrows. i watched her drive away and spent a moment just feeling right for having been blessed to be the one to bring her into the world.
it is interesting how spending time with her helps me keep perspective. a gift, that. murmur of thanks to the universe for it, softly given. for all i flip and twist in the waters, i do realize i’m surfacing… and the shore is closer than it has ever been. thankful of that, too.