what a wonderful day! i woke feeling invigorated and renewed, i literally danced around the apartment, straightening, cleaning, organizing. i thought to head out for a time today, but finances won’t permit it just yet. no matter. soon. i smile for it, too.
i am lightly amazed how great a watershed moment last night was… chuckling to myself for my own snarling of the traces. it has been some time since i let myself be so knotted up. i am greatly relieved to be relieved of it. ah, life. once more i am happy to meet you, greet you. happy day indeed.
my friend set before me an interesting challenge, to consider why it is i suddenly decided to begin settling for less. i’ve never done it before. and i had to think to see when and where it came that i turned to such a thing. i see it now, of course.
the losses of ’99 and ’00 impacted me much more deeply than i realized. and somewhere in it, i managed to convince myself that waiting for what i know i need and deserve was pointless. silly me. goodness, how did i manage it? already i feel light-years from it, like a distortion in the water has suddenly snapped out of frame and in the resulting clarity, it seems an impossibility that such a thing existed, happened.
stars it feels so free, this moment. i am giddy in it. and restless. in a very good way. eager to get back to life and stop giving negative people room they don’t deserve here.
it’s interesting. the buddhist tradition is very clear about removing oneself from situations that breed negativity. a wise thing, that. would i had found it sooner. could have saved myself a good bit of pointless pain.
live and learn, eh? that is the purpose, after all. i smile. look. i’m smiling, happy, content, engaged, and most importantly — free.