listened to your many voices
so many thousand miles away
endured your many choices
all the things you’d never say
the songs you said held meaning
heard them here in my own dark
thought to hush your soulful keening
what i thought fire was barely spark
so many nights i saw your face
blue eyes painted on my ceiling
so many wishes lost in space
you never wanted any healing
what does it mean to care
when caring is to weep alone
what does it mean to share
sharp and heavily tossed stones
blood and tears, harsh words
bonesaw in gleeful hand
vision lost, briny blurs
twenty paces and a last stand
i buried you inside of me
deep where the secrets hide
forgive me myself the plea
and damn your foolish pride
you cast seeds upon the wind
condemn who notes where they land
as if to the garden tend
is a thing you cannot understand
packing the dirt every night
six feet, nine, then twelve
damn the ways you yet haunt (and)
damn your obsession with yourself
damn me too, for i believed
and in belief, i tried
damn me this shovel retrieved
exhumed, exposed, denied
this grave is no garden
this soil is fell, is spent
grant me to myself full pardon
give up, oh please, relent
nursery rhymes and out of times
jumbles of emotion, black and sticky
metronome and bell chimes
memories of feeling thicky
calm me with the ideological
it’s only memory, this will pass
set deep the bones, deeper still
breathe through, breathe through, surpass