The thing you never understood about it… you always accused me of ‘lashing out at you’ but I wasn’t lashing out at you. Lashing out at you is an intent…an intent of hurting, and intent of being negative. That was never what I did to you. That was never my intent in what I was sending to you.
But that’s always how you took it. That’s always how you judged it. And you never asked me what my intent was, and you never even considered that there might be some other reason or intention behind it other than hurting.
And in these ways, you told me — how lowly you held me, and how lowly you judged me and how poorly you thought of me. Because if you had known me, or if you had bothered to ask me, you would have found that the intent was not to hurt you.
The intent was to deliver to you what is seen and known of you, and the negative actions that you undertake and how they hurt others. The things that you do without thought and without care, and with a lack of mindfulness.
But you never wanted to see those. You never wanted to see them. You were forever looking away… and in looking away, you weren’t content to just avoid them. You had to condemn and judge, and convict anyone who thought or cared enough to even try to deliver them to you… and all because you couldn’t see a reason that they would ever say these things to you other than… that they were trying to hurt you.
You could not see in anything that was said that there was anything whatsoever of yourself that you needed to address, that you needed to change, that you needed to be more mindful about.
It took me a long time to get to the point where I was able to recognize that you’re rejection of the words that I sent you, and that your rejection and condemnation of me and what you assumed to be my intent were not really your perspective of how you saw me, it was your perspective and your fear of all the things you couldn’t afford to admit to yourself… or to anyone else.