brief entry in the morning, before returning to the sangha hall for morning meditations and precepts. here, relaying a humorous moment from yesterday…
during the course of the teachings, the lama asked through his translator if anyone could give an analogy of the rarity and uniqueness of a precious human birth (in relation to birth into the other realms). no one spoke, so, as usual, i did.
“human conception,” said i. at the translator’s blank look, i elaborated, “you know, there’s only one egg, but there are millions of sperm trying to reach it. only one does.”
he nodded and translated this to the lama. the lama turned his head, looked at me steadily for about three seconds, then nodded and said, “yes, that IS a good one.” and promptly fell out laughing.
as did the rest of the sangha.
i thought perhaps it had been an inappropriate response, judging from the swift head jerk the local teacher gave when i uttered it… but as it turns out, he was only surprised i was willing to speak. hah. they do not yet know me. (blush)
during the break, several came over to chuckle with me and tell me that, apparently, to ‘crack up’ a lama is a feat. i had no idea. but i admit, looking back on it, it was a little funny, i suppose.
i brought home two boxes of potala and one wrapper of jasmine incense. not that sickly sweet stuff you find at the local outlets, but the hand pressed and dried kind. stars, the beauty of it in the class was intense. it is a wonder and comfort here at the apartment as well.
i am thinking ahead to finally taking refuge. i smile, remembering the first encounter with a teacher and how gently she told me i wasn’t yet ready. and i recognize in this moment her wisdom and thank her from afar. the thought of it here, now, is vastly different in many ways. i realize that it is a thing that needed to happen here, with these others.
i realize as well the convergence that is underway. i look back briefly to events and their sequencing, and marvel for how all things have slowly flowed to this one place and time. All Things In Their Right Place. what a comfort. what a blessing. what a delight.
in other news, my daughter called late last night, speaking to me of loneliness.
she asked me how i dealt with ‘being alone’. she wasn’t talking about friends. i told her one of the disadvantages to being sexually active was that one is often tempted to nourish desire and mourn those moments in which it may not be sated. she laughed wryly, but then admitted on further discussion that it was not so much physical touch she craved as presence. i understood that all too well.
we spent about an hour talking, and i pointed her to the creating loafing paper, where a number of social groups and outings and learning experiences may be found.
she is realizing the difference between ‘acquaintances’ and ‘friends’ and has had some pain for it. i remember, and i remember coming to terms with it took time. she is going today to dinner and a movie with her brother. i smiled for it and agreed that building that relationship would go a long way to helping with the feelings of loneliness… for both of them.
she asked me how i was enjoying the new place and town. i was careful not to sound too enthused. she was really asking if i missed her. yes, of course i do. terribly. but i am coming to terms with how our relationship shifts… and it becomes easier to cherish the closeness for what it is, and the spasms of selfishness have largely abated.
she has the usual ‘standing offer’ to visit. perhaps near the new year, she will.
we chatted a bit more about her schooling. she just ordered her portable table and trade supplies. her enthusiasm for what she is doing is… a gift. i listen to her and know all over again that soft pride in her. she is, in so many ways, delight.
ah, final note — weird week is almost passed and i survived it much better than i usually manage. here, a chuckle. the same thoughts arrive, and the same feelings… but in this moment, i see more clearly the choices in relation to them and, perhaps, choose more wisely. it’s a start.