i have spent much of this day chanting and in meditation.
finding another glass shard, i set my thoughts to make of it a silken strand… not so much for me, but for the one wriggling on its point and creating for themselves more suffering.
recently ended, i turned to the portal to seek words of compassion and forgiveness. it seems a thing Rinpoche would want me to do, and more importantly, it seems the right thing to do.
it is a tender and beautiful thing that the universe immediately delivers the concept needed:
True Forgiveness is like the moment you jump into a cool pool on a hot day and your whole being resounds in a great “aaaahhhhh” – it is relief, it is peace – great and deep peace.
it seems a synchronicity that this sound, the one mentioned in this quote, is also the sound associated with so many things in this tradition. fitting, i think. confirmation of many things.
i wrote to the several with whom i had made connection on the scrytch list and advised them that it appears i am among the rare few who will not be allowed to participate. it is a small comfort that, as result of my moment of involvement and presence, someone who was hurting has found relief. that email conversation continues, albeit sporadically… and i smile for the signs of progress.
i admit to myself and here that while i had hoped the one in question could manage a level of maturity, i did not count on it. but i am mildly surprised at the abject hysteria. i can only conclude their own guilt and fear are chewing on them rather harshly… and if this is the case, despite the manner in which it impedes my exploration and enjoyment of others and the creative collaborative, as ever, i will smile and bow to its passing.
no anger. no acrimony. a soft regret and then, as ever, forgiveness. i hold happier images in my mind than those they reveal to me in their sharp words and fearful accusations. and compassion blooms instead of poisons.
i will miss the place i was only beginning to discover… but if the only way they can be at peace is to believe shutting me out of it for their own sake is mindful and helpful, then i will accept it as what is and let it go, too.
if you are reading, you know who you are, and if you are reading, know this…. i forgive you. om benza sattva hum. om mani padme hum hirh.
aaaaahhhhhhh.