archiving this as a reminder of things i will someday forget and need to insure i never forget.
things to note:
1 – i have had points of contact for these family members since early 2006, as they were given to me by heath himself in the cc: line of several broadcast emails.
2 – never in all the time i knew him did i as much as consider such a thing as to in any way approach them in such fashion.
from: heath rezabek
to: xxxxxxxx
date: Dec 2, 2006 11:50 PM
subject: Cease all direct and indirect contact.This was originally drafted to be sent simultaneously to you by my sister, mother, and father, out of fear that you would scorn it were it to come from me. Upon speaking to my sister about it, the only place I felt I could turn under burden of intense inner suffering, she feared that you would only begin contacting them as well. Afterwards, I did not speak with my mother and father, as they would have, with great concern and worry, sent it as I had asked, and I cannot place such a burden on them, regardless of your reaction. So I turn back to myself, and send it myself. You and I are done interacting. There is no more in this lifetime between us. Retreat from the suffering you are causing me, and meditate upon the suffering that viewing my suffering and being unable to ease it is now causing my loved ones. Any future contacts will be logged and, as the below suggests, not reciprocated.
– hmr
Ms xxxxxxxi;
On August 21, 2006, you were informed by Heath Michael Rezabek that he considered your unsought monitoring of his activities and undesired attempts at communication to be harassment. He stated at that time that if you were able to pass one year without repeating these acts of aggression, then he would revise his opinion.
By joining his dream discussion group “Atlas of Dreams” under an assumed identity (“Lethe”), as tracked by IP address, you broke this demand. Recently, by not only joining his long-lived creative refuge of “Scrytch” under an assumed identity (“Aletheia”) but also actually appropriating the unregistered related domain names scrytch.org and scrytch.com, you demonstrated blatant disregard for the suffering and mental anguish your continued harassment has caused him.
Such multiple attempts at contact are punitively punishable under existing anti-stalking and anti-harassment laws.
We are sending this message on behalf of our loved one to insist that you cease and desist, and consider the suffering which your disregard for his well-being has caused. No further contact with Heath, from you, is permissible or tolerable. Ever. No further contact with us, his family members, is permissible or tolerable. Ever. No covert monitoring of his actions or activities by you is permissible or tolerable. Ever.
We believe this message has been written with clarity and honesty, and expect rightful compliance with its simple request.
Do not ever, knowingly, contact Heath Michael Rezabek again, directly or indirectly.
Signed,
xxxxx Rezabek (mother)
xxxxx Rezabek (father)
xxxxx Rezabek (sister)———————————————
from: xxxxxxxx
to: heath rezabek
date: Dec 3, 2006 1:34 AM
subject: Re: Cease all direct and indirect contact.the things you think you know are incorrect. that you are willing to send such as this based upon conjecture and assumption is merely sad.
i have refrained from contacting you as agreed and have every intention of continuing that for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is your ongoing mischaracterization and impugning of me, which has long since demonstrated and heavily underscored certain things of you that are insurmountable.
the two things you have correct in this are that i currently own the domains scrytch.org and .com and that i am presently enjoying the mailing/discussion list.
it was my intent to present you with those two domains on your birthday next year. if you wish to have them now, i will transfer them to you.
my presence and enjoyment of the scrytch list had nothing to do with you and i would like to think you might avoid tainting its enjoyment for me.
what torments you choose to visit upon yourself fabricating scenarios of ill intent and fear are not mine to control. nor will i take responsibility for them.
my sympathies to your family for the needless worry you choose to visit upon them, but this also, is not my doing or my fault.
do not speak to me of your suffering as if it is somehow more important than my own. and to the extent that you wish silence and distance, discipline yourself to those ends.
thank you.
———————————————
from: xxxxxxxx
to: heath rezabek
date: Dec 4, 2006 9:34 PM
subject: Re: Cease all direct and indirect contact.i’m sitting here looking at over 500 links and close to 450 media files. i look at them and i think about how, over these last months, they made me smile.
i collected them so carefully. hours spent combing insanely convoluted places, ancient, often abandoned places.
i was building a gift for you.
knowing the importance of archiving to you, and remembering how you often despaired for all the things you’d let slip away, i began this project. i began it in May and have continued to work on it until tonight.
last month, almost to the point where i could start working on more than data collection, i purchased the two domains that would make your collection complete. i was so happy to think about how happy you would be to see it all… orderly, organized, fully searchable… your entire set of efforts, all the seeds of seeds of seeds gathered and set in one place.
a gift… for you.
something i could do not because i HAD to, not because i needed to, not for me… something i could do for you because i know how much it means to you. something i could do ‘just because i can’ and because, as ever, i was willing and happy to do it.
when i got your email the other night, i could only sit here and just gape like a fish out of water.
how completely you miscast me. how totally you condemn me. my every good deed, my every wish to compassion and benefit to you made into lancets, bamboo slivers under my fingernails, glass shards.
no good deed goes unpunished.
yes, i was at atlas of dreams. but only to archive your work for the project. i posted because i felt it would be too suspicious if i didn’t. and when i left, i removed all of my presence or at least as much as i could.
yes, i own the two domains. this was intended a birthday present for you next year, as i said. i was too hurt at the time of response to tell you all of this.. but in considering it, i think you really need to hear it, know it.
i’ve been around the electronic world archiving your work for you. carefully storing it. every place you as much as pinged, wherever your name had been set, whatever name you’ve used. yes, i had archived them all.
places you don’t even know i was… i have been so very careful not to interact, not to bother you, to stay out of your way. as i promised.
the project was to present you with the domains containing a fully searchable and date organized history of scrytch. also, to include a private section where your other, unrelated works were archived. music. imagery. textures. journals. all of it.
i considered the work a labor of love.
you consider it only stalking.
i am tired of being condemned by you for all the wrong reasons.
if you want the domains, all i need is one word ‘yes’. nothing more. i’ll transfer them immediately. if you do not, then ‘no’ and i’ll let them expire.
i’m deleting the archives. the project is dead. like so much here. i’m unable. you win. i am done.
you have no need to spin your fearful web of paranoia. you can stop worrying about “how i am stalking you” and you can rest assured i will never, ever again make the mistake of thinking … nevermind. it doesn’t matter, does it?
thank you as well for making the extra effort to insure my access to scrytch itself is cut off. better to not enjoy it than err again in thinking it possible to operate in any way in proximity to you without suffering these incessant slings and arrows of calumny and condemnation.
Rinpoche tells me you are a treasure for the lessons you bring. i’m sure one day i will agree. but in this moment, i find it impossible. still, i am supposed to forgive you. i say i do, but i am lying. i don’t know how yet. maybe someday.
i’m supposed to apologize to you for telling you these things. i’m also supposed to make sure to tell you that my own disinterest in nourishing this negativity in you is the reason i am giving up. and i am supposed to tell you that i love you.
i am truly, deeply, and sincerely sorry for whatever pain this information may cause you.
because you are unable to interact with me without becoming harmful, hateful, and negative, and because i am too unskillful to manage my interactions with you in ways that would lend to benefit, i let you go in all ways but one. i know if you think on it, you will know what that one is.
i love you, heath. om benza sattva hum, om mani padme hum hirh.
goodbye.
———————————————
from: heath rezabek
to: xxxxxxxx
date: Dec 4, 2006 10:11 PM
subject: Re: Re: Cease all direct and indirect contact.“yes.”
for whatever reason, in the giving, you gave all that i could receive clearly in this life. in the fullness of time, all will be healed.
in the meantime, the wide world is all around, and numberless beings come before me, more able to receive in my stead. i see them too. in this we are bound.
please pass on to Rinpoche my thanks and respect. tell him also of my reply and the reflection on your gift to me.
thank you for letting go. in all ways but one.
om mani padme hung.
– heath
(attached to this email was an image. the picture of the mala i sent to him in early 2006. he titled the image ‘inthefullnessoftime’.)
———————————————
from: xxxxxxxx
to: heath rezabek
date: Dec 4, 2006 10:16 PM
subject: Re: Re: Cease all direct and indirect contact.On 12/4/06, heath rezabek wrote:
> “yes.”
scrytch.com (authorization number 1)
scrytch.org (authorization number 2)Request has been made with Dreamhost, but in case these authorization codes are needed by you, here they are.
———————————————
from: xxxxxxxx Customer Support Team
to: xxxxxxxx
date: Dec 5, 2006 7:46 PM
subject: Re: [xxxxxxxx] scrytch.com and scrytch.orgHello,
On Mon, 04 Dec 2006, you wrote:> Please transfer these domains from my account to the account of Heath
> Rezabek.
>
> Feel free to contact me should there be any questions or if you wish
> additional information.
>
> Thank you.His name is associated to two different Web IDs, neither of which have hosting accounts. Please advise as to the name of the account you wish to transfer to.
———————————————
from: xxxxxxxx
to: heath rezabek
date: Dec 5, 2006 8:00 PM
subject: Re: [xxxxxxxx] scrytch.com and scrytch.orgOn 12/5/06, xxxxxxxxxx Customer Support Team wrote:
> His name is associated to two different Web IDs, neither of which have
> hosting accounts. Please advise as to the name of the account you wish
> to transfer to.sorry for the intrusion, but i’m a little confused. you are not hosting with them anymore? or am i reading this wrong? if not, the authorization codes i sent to you should suffice, but if so, i need more information to accomplish this.
as time permits.
———————————————
from: Mail Delivery Subsystem
to: xxxxxxxx
date: Dec 5, 2006 8:00 PM
subject: Delivery Status Notification (Failure)This is an automatically generated Delivery Status Notification
Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently:
heath rezabek
———————————————
From: xxxxxxxxxxxx (another account)
Subject: the domains
Date: Tue, December 5, 2006 8:05 pm
To: heath rezabekOn 12/5/06, xxxxxxxxxx Customer Support Team wrote:
> His name is associated to two different Web IDs, neither of which have
> hosting accounts. Please advise as to the name of the account you wish
> to transfer to.sorry for the intrusion, but i’m a little confused. you are not hosting with them anymore? or am i reading this wrong? if not, the authorization codes i sent to you should suffice, but if so, i need more information to accomplish this.
as time permits.
p.s.: an attempt to write this reply via gmail results in an immediate bounce with permanent failure. i assume this is a block. which is fine. but until such time as i can complete this process, perhaps you might permit me to communicate to do so?
———————————————
From: “Mail Delivery System”
Subject: Undelivered Mail Returned to Sender
Date: Tue, December 5, 2006 8:05 pm
To: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxThis is the Postfix program at host xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.
I’m sorry to have to inform you that the message returned below could not be delivered to one or more destinations.
For further assistance, please send mail to
If you do so, please include this problem report. You can delete your own text from the message returned below.
The Postfix program
: host xxxxxxxxxxxxx said:
550 5.1.1 No such user
———————————————
Subject: the domains (PM at a forum)
Date: Tue, December 5, 2006 8:15 pm
To: heath rezabek (aqaraza)
From: xxxxxxxxOn 12/5/06, xxxxxxxxxx Customer Support Team wrote:
> His name is associated to two different Web IDs, neither of which have
> hosting accounts. Please advise as to the name of the account you wish
> to transfer to.sorry for the intrusion, but i’m a little confused. you are not hosting with them anymore? or am i reading this wrong? if not, the authorization codes i sent to you should suffice, but if so, i need more information to accomplish this.
as time permits.
p.s.: an attempt to write this reply via gmail results in an immediate bounce with permanent failure. i assume this is a block. which is fine. but until such time as i can complete this process, perhaps you might permit me to communicate to do so?
———————————————
at this point, the following entry made here:
http://www.m3me.online/archives/522
i have done as much as i can do. likely more than most would. perhaps even more than i should. i believe i have done right in this. that will have to suffice.