it is interesting how things appear when needed.
the last days have been some fairly serious contemplation on choices and the nature of what it is to commit to the Dharma and walk this path.
i struggle with my obstructions, ego and anger being the two biggest, but they are all ‘in the mix’ to some degree or another.
i read and hear that to embrace those who hate you as teachers, perhaps even as lamas, is a good thing. i endeavor to do so. i make pointed effort to make of recent things fodder for practice and i set the ones involved before me not as enemies, but as treasures of teaching.
i have friends who, caring for my suffering, tell me i should abandon such efforts. they say to do this is only to increase my own suffering. they say it is unhealthy and unwise. they say it is not fruitful.
i listen to them and appreciate their care. but i also know that, in this, they are wrong. not wrong for themselves, but wrong for what is needed here.
it is not a bad thing to make of this recent past something that will lend to learning. indeed, the only way to abandon unskillful means is to truly learn how and why they are so, yes?
the bhain sidhe and the bodhisattva wage war.
ego and that which would be, on some far flung day, enlightened… they battle here, inside.
the sad part is, neither exist. in such ways does this ignorant one that is me struggle.
still, for all my ignorance, i try to use the clumsy tools at hand toward becoming less so.
and, so, the two who battle.
and the insistence upon setting the others who are seen as hurtful and negative to the bhain sidhe as most precious, treasured jewels to the bodhisattva.
it makes me cry. but it also makes me think. and, here and there, when i can manage to touch the mind’s true nature, it makes me learn.
now that they, as themselves, are utterly released, there is nothing to continue impeding this decision to loyalty to them as teachers.
and it is in this mindset that i was cruising youtube for buddhist videos. i was looking for recordings of teachings that dealt with practice. what i found was a touching and humorous reminder that such loyalty to the Dharma as is sought in this moment is precisely the helpful thing i hope it will be.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SXHV0aW0ng
i am thankful for the presence of two very challenging teachers. and the things they bring to me as lessons i will not forsake.