not sure why this seems to rouse the little voice inside, but it does. so keeping up with keeping its progression archived. has to be a reason. somewhere, a lesson.
TURDZILLA wrote:
I seee all through my “ME” filter until I am enlightened. I actually like ME, its other people I have a problem with. If I sound condescending and superior, as i have been accused of, its really just because i don’t really like people. I’m an only child, my experiences with others have colored my opinion.
Sometimes I wish all these “others” would just evaporate, like dream stew back into the nothingness they arose from, and leave me on this wonderful planet alone with the animals and critters. I don’t get bored and I don’t get lonely, as a child I was isolated and had to entertain myself. Relationships are a pain and hardly worth the baggage that comes with it, thus the cave is my sanctuary from the BS of others. Compassion for others is my big stumbling block, whats yours?
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FENIX WROTE:
sorry for any accusation found in my words. not always as skillful as would be liked in remaining neutral in relation to the things seen.
it is curious to me why you say you do not like others, when you spend so much time seeking them out.
it is curious to me why you say you do not get bored or lonely, when your posts often seek interaction and information… two things in contrast to the verbs and state of being that you ascribe to yourself.
sorry for the loneliness and neglect you knew when younger. have known these things and they leave hurts that one often attempts to point away from simply because even to breathe upon them is painful.
know what it feels like to try so hard to be good in relation to another only to find one can never quite be good enough to create good things for them.
know what it feels like to just withdraw from the world because one is weary and angry and unable to find the way to transcend all baggage.
to read those words brings the thought that you are lying to yourself… think you know compassion easily enough, but that you wish you did not… and when old wounds yet unhealed are quivering under a direct touch, lash out.
in answer to the question, the biggest stumbling block here is not trusting the little voice inside that speaks. working on that. even now.
most of the past is behind me. carry very little of it today. but the pieces yet held are all sticky with the goo of sweat and tears and blood. (wry grin)
here, the cocooon (cave) is a place not of escape but of contemplation.