some time ago, i purposed to do a series of contemplation on the eightfold path. life decided to jump up and snarl the traces for a time and i did not proceed as planned. i am doing so.
this is the third of what will eventually be eight posts, upon the eightfold path as outlined in the Buddhist tradition: Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, Right Concentration.
as with much of Buddhism, the appearance of these paths are initially seen as simple. almost childishly so. but upon closer consideration, they open themselves to a depth and intensity that is awe-inspiring. it is this that draws me again and again to think upon them, they are like a favorite path by a favorite lake… where walking only further highlights the means by which any future walkings will be more enjoyed for not having to strain to see the outline of it.
Right Speech is an extension of the other aspects of this Eightfold Path into words. Or, more accurately, to become mindful when speaking and to only speak in such manner as will bring benefit.
Buddha gave specific and pointed definitions of these aspects of Right Speech:
1. to not speak falsely; to avoid lying and speaking in a deceitful manner.
this item is not one that plagues me. much of life here has been a very direct and personal exposure to the effects of this manner of Wrong Speech and thus, has resulted in something of an obsession with ‘not lying’.
the problem here is that this aversion to lying often results in violations of other aspects of Right Speech.
which only points to the reality that aversion, even to Wrong Speech, is not a good thing.
2. to abstain from slanderous speech and not to use words maliciously against others,
this item i read as setting Right Intent to work when speaking. it is an unfortunate truth that often words given with Right Intent still seem slanderous or malicious… so perhaps it is better to not speak such things all together than risk that they would bring such results.
there is a good bit of writing here that could very well be taken as Wrong Speech in this manner. i sit here and think about it in this moment and the point and lesson in this is a sharp thing.
i have been slowly working on shifting away from the need to set weeds to words, but i am not yet there. also, i try to be kinder to myself and realize that the act of setting the weeds to letters is not an act of ill intent, but the means by which i make myself see them as the what they are… all the better to find ways to no longer need them.
i know for a fact that at least one person who has read here thinks very much that these words are given with such Wrong Intent. this, a painful thing, because i am not permitted to explain and what explanation i might give would never be heard, let alone accepted.
i am slowly finding ways to transmute the weeds to flowers before they land on the page. Buddhism is helping me in this, and the lessons of this other, now set in mind as a teacher, they are helping as well.
i do wish they would choose to understand. but i know in this moment in ways i did not before that there is no ‘Right’ anything in continuing to try and ‘make them’ do so.
3. to abstain from harsh words that offend or hurt others, and
this item is closely related to the above… but it also speaks to me of being more mindful of what is known of others and letting that insight curb and soften the words i would loose into the world.
for a very long time, i thought it was more important to speak what i found to be truthful. i am beginning to fuzzily see that it is actually more important to avoid hurting others. regardless whether or not “i” get to speak.
the painful recognition of ego in this… intense. i comfort myself with the kindness that is being thankful to see it at all. i may well have lived the rest of this life and never really faced it. it is all too easy to duck and avoid… the world is gentle with those who would be aversion-oriented in this way. such is samsara.
and i begin to see as well the role that mindfulness has in maintaining Right Speech. there IS a need to think before speaking (i do, but not nearly as much as i should and almost never when hurt… which is when i most should!!).
this part of Right Speech, to me, means shutting down the part of me that has a need to ‘be heard’ and instead, realizing and accepting that my point and purpose in this life is not ‘to be heard’ but to hear.
4. to abstain from idle chatter that lacks purpose or depth.
this one makes me laugh. i do not think there is a person i have ever known in this life that could safely accuse me of idle chatter or talk without purpose of depth. i know that sounds proud. it is not. really. it is just me trying to soothe the sting of having failed so utterly and consistently in the other ways. my way of trying to feel like something more than an abject failure, stupid and ignorant and all too willing to feed ego.
there has never been interest or attraction to idle talk and gossip here. perhaps for the manner in which it points so well to the things i fail in/at. an extreme on the spectrum, it has been easy for me to see that this is wrong. and perhaps i have been overly Zealous in castigation of its wrongness because so long as i was, i could avoid my own failings as above listed.
for me, the danger zones are hurt and anger. but i realize they are all tied up in ego. little hungry ego, that wants to be accepted and appreciated. that wants to matter. that wants to be lauded as individuate.
pitiful, really. and most pitiful of all is that i’ve written this entire thing talking about Right Speech in relation to myself. hah. how is THAT for ego?
but maybe it isn’t quite so terrible. the reason i write it like this is because i can’t really talk about anyone else. i don’t know them as well as i know me. and to speak of their faults or flaws would itself be Wrong Speech.
i speak about me because i need to tear down all this ego. i need to use this like a tanning rock, scrub off all the bits that cling.
make myself admit all my ignorance and stupidity so i can find the way to be humble and so ego doesn’t have any safe place to hide.
make myself sick of myself so i can find the middle way.
stumbling around, wobbly and uncertain, i do what seems to need to be done. in truth, i so greatly doubt my judgement these days that i am almost always stumbling.
i don’t even know if that’s a good thing or not. and i don’t really think of it that way. it just… is.