there are a number of things here that are hidden behind a veil.
things i’ve written in the throes of emotion that, in the reading later, were too close to the bone to set in the public eye… for all that this place entire is supposed to be about refusing to hide.
it’s been a merry-go-round of decisions. make them public. hide them. reveal them. hide them again. as if anyone is here regularly, or would ‘know’ enough of my life to have it make a difference. as if i am ashamed of them.
no shame. well, not in that sense. more in the sense of being ashamed for my own ignorance. or perhaps my blindness. or perhaps seeing how clearly those pieces point to the issues with self and ego that i struggle with almost daily.
they’re hidden and have been for months. i consider removing the veil. if i do so again, it will be permanently, i know. so i’m spending some time thinking about it.
a few months ago, i had this same process of consideration occur… but at that time the flinching for having the ones spoken of read them was too much to consider.
i think on that now and it seems something of a stupidity. dishonest, even. not to mention that those who know me won’t mind and those who don’t or who would permit it to color their perspective are entirely missing the point of this place.
so. perhaps. but this time, i’m not reacting spontaneously. this time, i am going to let it stew. thicken. complete. mindfully.
we’ll see.