it is raining so hard that i cannot see outside the window.
oddly, i like this kind of weather. it lends the illusion of privacy and when i’m feeling loopy, like i am now, i sit back and imagine nothing else exists.
which, really, is true. for all i often think not. heh.
spoke with ‘mom z.’, the woman who is, by all possible defintions except the literal, my mother. long talk. good one. sharing and caring and love. i am so fortunate to know her.
thinking about the truth that is all mother sentient beings. strange as it may sound, for all i am ‘alone’ today, i feel very much otherwise. this process of thinking and writing has set a very real sense of connection in place.
ache, too. but i suspect that’s part of it all, and is as it should be, so i’m just noting it. nothing more.
heh. from outside the window, close by, one, lone bird, sqawking as if their discontent with the rain will drive it away. i know that feeling, too.
had thought to go to the beach today. finally. not sure if i’m up to being cold in the rain, though. arthritis is not very forgiving of such things.
the cats decide to interrupt. the last few minutes, flurry of snuzzling, purring, head butting, body curling around ankles and fingers delight. heh.
something very pure about their affection. i find myself thinking about being more cat like in this way.
random thoughts, really. just keeping myself occupied. perhaps a nap soon. something light to eat. wondering who will call today. if anyone. smiling anyway. if no one calls, it means they are busy and happy in it and that is a good thing.
if anyone calls it means they are happy to do so and that, too, is a good thing.
small slap at ego for caring. poor thing. it really can’t help it.
did i mention i’m actually not unhappy today? mildly surprised. kind of interesting detachment, really. heavy ache around the heart, but oddly, not in a ‘bad way’… it just… is.
checking all systems. heh. status report. silly me. silly me.