from a forum in which the topic is patience and working with others to be of benefit. this, a reply given to a new friend about my troubled history with plants.
i think we all want that feeling of connection, belonging, understanding, acceptance. i know sometimes, i’m just not so good at being patient enough to allow it to bloom on its own.
i’ve always been a ‘black thumb’. it’s really rather pitiful. i’ve been the end of entirely too many plants. (wry grin) so much so that friends no longer try to gift me any… perhaps knowing they are doomed. heh. why, i’ve even killed a ‘neptune plant’… you know, the ones that require no water, no sun, no attention? *sigh*
sometimes, i think about that in the context of how i relate to people.
i’d like to think i’m able to get my mind around the concept of paying attention to the soil they need, rather than the stuff i have at hand. or the backyard’s dirt.
and i’d like to think i could take the time to realize that different kinds of plants need different kinds of food… and not be quite so eager to just toss some walmart special on the topsoil, or shove ‘rapid feed’ spikes in the ground and forget about it as if a plant can really grow properly without more than such cursory attentiveness on my part.
for that matter, i’d really like to find the moment in which i could get past the idea that i could just toss any fertilizer i want to onto them and realistically expect them to flourish. nitrates and conditions being what they are, i do know that plants have specific needs that are unique to each of them… and despite my need to ‘get it done’ and get to the ‘enjoying the flowers’ part, it remains that if i really want to see those colorful petals… i really should at least take the time to learn what that little plant needs to give them to me.
for me, the realization that plants want to grow, want to bloom, and want to just be what they are was insightful. all the moreso for how it pointed to my own silliness with relation to how all my expectations and needs and desires just… got in the way of really caring for them and being able to give them what they needed to do and be all of that… which, i insist to myself, really IS what i want… isn’t it?
i haven’t found a plant that could survive me just yet. but i still try… here and there… and now, i read the directions and instructions carefully. i follow them. i begin to ‘see’ how their needs aren’t there to frustrate or annoy or keep me from enjoying the blossoms… they’re just the same as anything else in this world… they need what they need.
and i’m learning that if i want to have those lovely blossoms, those heady fragrances, the delight of knowing i nurtured and helped a beautiful thing to grow in the world… then it’s encumbant upon me to make the effort through patience, understanding, and a consistent wish to give help that relies on the needs of the plant rather than my own to find its way.
i’m cautiously optimistic. i hear they’re having a sale on potted plants down the road. who knows… maybe this time, i’ll get it right. (smile)