getting into the groove of ‘being’, the decision to actively work to maintain it… has had some very surprising outcomes.
some of the outcomes are “trivial”, in that they are interesting upon notice, but not deep enough to seem ‘amazing’ upon consideration. though i suppose it is all ‘amazing’ when compared to where i was when i undertook this as ‘a project’ in july of 2006.
but the thing i’m thinking on now is the manner in which choosing this active effort, mindful work toward learning and becoming, has brought so much of value and benefit into my life. also, how it has allowed me to give value and benefit to everyone i encounter.
and, in this moment, i’m thinking about how it actually creates all things that are needed, even before “i” know this is the case. which would have seemed very odd indeed back in july, but here, now, it just gives such a deep sense of rightness and comfort that i lack the words to effectively describe how pervasive and total both are for me.
as i’ve written, i was terminated from my job last friday. in that moment, i might have chosen many reactions. indeed, had it been july, i would likely have exploded and done a good many things that help no one and only further char the apparently burnt bridge.
instead, i was calm. i think i might even have chuckled to myself as i left. in that moment, walking from that building, for the first time in my life, i didn’t think about ‘what they had done to me’… instead, i thought ‘what an amazing opportunity to find something in which i will delight.’
now i will grant you, i have had some moments of concern and fretting between then and now. first to discover that, very likely, i will not be able to collect unemployment… florida wanting new jersey to pay and new jersey saying they don’t have to… heh. oh, bureaucracy!
but i’ve continued to send resumes and make ‘the pitch’ and ignore the fact that the phone hasn’t rung and just not get depressed for it. (here, an admission, up until the dot com bust, i had never sent a resume that did not result in an immediate call… and i had never had an interview that did not result in an offer. so finding myself faced with what is, i’m sure, reality for many others in this day and time, i was at first fearful and then, almost angry. over time, and most through this ongoing effort, that is transmuted. now, i realize that, no matter what comes or doesn’t come, and no matter when it arrives, it will be just when it should be, and that is enough.)
this morning, on a whim, i sent a resume off to a company here in clearwater. they are in my old industry, but i wasn’t applying for one of ‘those jobs’. instead, i was applying for an administrative position. the way i had it figured, they could tell by my resume that i could easily do the administrative work… and they are ‘in the business’, so they will understand in looking at my resume where i’m from and what i’ve done, and likely come to the conclusion i desired — here’s a chance to get a heck of a lot more for your hiring dollar than you’d usually get. take it!
heh.
that was about oh… 10am. the phone rang 20 minutes ago. it was a recruiter from that company. she said she liked what she saw in my resume, and was curious why i wasn’t seeking something in my old industry. so i told her. point blank.
what happened next was really incredible.
she told me about their company, about how they had survived when companies like my own were dying, and about a number of other things that ranged from being voted ‘best place to work’ by the local business chronicle to the kinds of things they’re working on… which… (here i would say ‘oddly’, but i know better) just happen to be products and services that are in my area of specialty.
they want to speak with me about ‘finding a place’ with them. no particular job in mind, more of a ‘carte blanche’ approach. i’m meeting with their ceo, their svp development, and of course, the recruiter (who i suspect at this point is not just a recruiter, but actually the hr vp). essentially, it is an interview to see both if i find anything else there i’d be interested in, and for them to confirm that what they saw on my resume actually exists in my personage/mind.
of course, as it does, i’m pretty darn positive about this… it is an opportunity to effectively choose what i’d like to do.
and here, another chuckle… because i feel Focus swelling… and i know what that means (you do too, if you read here much at all).
hah. the daily horoscopes arrive. i have not yet figured out how to turn them off. they send me both leo and virgo because i’m on the cusp. today’s words of wisdom?
leo: you will understand the true value of something that no one else appreciates.
virgo: today it’s ok to make a few choices by going with your gut instincts.
hah. indeed. and so i shall.