it’s odd. someone sent me a picture that made me cry. not for the reasons you might think. first, i was astounded that anyone would think i would want the picture.
secondly, i was wrecked to see how tired, anxious, sad, and alone the face in the picture looked.
third, i was angry to even notice that the one in the picture has lost weight. their eyes have that pinched look and the planes of their face are tight in all the wrong places. maybe just a bad shot. i hope so.
i didn’t know what to say to the one who sent it. hard to be kind when i’m so busy being flummoxed. so i said nothing.
but… this is someone who really should know better. so now i ponder… do they, in fact, know better? admittedly, i am clueless. why would this person, of all people, send me this?
bleh. i am done trying to understand it. you know, i went back and read something she had written on january 3rd. it was some time before i realized that he dumped her the morning after the night he met me.
purely coincidence, i know. especially now, i know. but in the moment of the discovery, i thought it cruel and wondered how long it would be for that cruelty to find me.
not long. not long at all.
but i sat here and sighed, cried even… for pinched skin and tired face, even as i know nothing at all and perhaps it is just a really bad shot.
the worst part, of course, was finding out i didn’t lose a friend… because i never had one to begin with… just fake smiles that covered knives, character assassination…. like Booth behind the theater curtain…. “other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?”
sigh.
timing is such an odd thing. how is it that the other night, i was thinking about the festival of the moon and happy memories and here, now, i get from one who could not possibly know that… this.
now i have to figure out how to kindly ask them to please, please, please, do not send me anything else like this.
then i have to figure out how to stop caring.
that’s always the hard part.