had a bit of an epiphany last night.
was talking with the master sergeant about the motivation to think. why i do it. and as we were discussing it, suddenly, i had the shift of mind between ‘thinking’ and ‘being’ and knew it as what it was… and damn if it wasn’t just… full stop.
the conversation itself dealt with boredom and that’s what got me started on the shifting, as i remembered reading Trungpa speaking of boredom and how we often work to avoid it… and to be sure, thinking is definitely a means i engage to do so. i then recalled him saying how important it was to embrace even that, and move through it, to get to the moment rather than avoid it with intellectual leaf-raking (my paraphrasing, of course).
the feeling of being in the moment has been very decidedly highlighted of late, mostly thanks to the tender care and compassion of the master sergeant. and as i lay there, enjoying the moment and sharing it with him, mind spinning big ol’ loopy circles as usual, dredging up things to think on, i suddenly just… stopped… and instead, brought my mind to the moment… there… in bed… zen and kamma curled up purring on my right side… the warmth of the covers… the sense of soft wonder and delight to be savoring the passive presence over distance of the master sergeant… and i realized — there wasn’t anything spinning around in my head that was as enjoyable as the moment.
just. as. it. is.
i said this to him, and he asked me to explain. so i told him about work… about how in the moment i am for every moment i’m there. and how that mindfulness was, i suppose, starting to seep through to other things.
naturally, i immediately started working on tagging the boundaries and setting a foundation to remind myself of it. which was odd, to do so without the usual ‘thinking’ on it. but it still worked… which seems very auspicious indeed.
most of today i’ve been deliberately not allowing myself ‘to think’, instead, honing in on that sense of ‘being’ and remaining in the moment. it proves amazing.
hah. i’ve always said i wanted to figure out how to stop thinking so damn much. who would have… thought… (cough)… it could be so simple? (laughing now, obviously it hasn’t been so simple until now, has it?)
i’m boggled. but happily so. boggle me more… breathe and Focus and goodness but it is delightful.
heh. so there. no ‘thoughts’… just what is here in this moment.