la brea is bulging. big ol’, thick, goopy thoughts that haven’t quite finished forming. i’m trying to figure out ‘what’s coming’ but that’s rather hopeless. doesn’t work that way.
i’ve tried to describe it a few times. like making stew. like recycling. like la brea tar pits. heh. all experience and most thought gets crammed into the back of the head and left to sort itself out. kind of like a landfill. or maybe a mulch pile.
oh stars. yes. that works. hah. flowers and garbage. suchness.
never really know what’s going to show up. like a box of chocolates, forrest, ya jes ne’vah knowha’cha gonna get.
oddly, i like it that way. obviously.
i’ll spend months at the time clicking along a series of parallel thoughts, with all things around me humming synchronicity or mirroring it… like a funhouse… well, not always fun. but mirrored nonetheless.
watching patterns and parallels unfold, smiling, gasping, weeping for them… letting it all simmer and seep… steep… in me, through me… until at last… that pressure building, here it comes, swelling wave of something as yet undefined that will soon appear.
my own perpetual event horizon. hah.
i took a break a bit ago from ‘the whole buddhism thing’ even as it has never been as close to the bone as it is now. stopped pushing myself and decided to coast a time… be kind, both to myself and others. no sense blowing fuses over it, right?
but i sense the shifting, ongoing. la brea is bubbling and something is rising. got that weird anticipatory ‘itch’ in the brain. whatever it is, it’s big. heh. once upon a time, that would scare the crap out of me. now, i’m more curious than afraid.
that’s the nice thing about freedom… you really are able to just do what you will. hrm. or is that will what you do? hmmmmm.
it’s not breaking the surface just yet. and i’m in no hurry. just noting it, watching the surface stretching so to speak… and letting the little girl giggling feel good about it all.
been a while for her. makes me smile.