you want to talk about unhinged? honey, i am in the fucking wind. this, a reply given to someone catching me in a raw moment… which is a lot lately. they were telling me ‘i’m not the only one’. well no shit, sherlock. but guess what, i’m just honest enough to say that right now, i don’t give a flying fuck about you. i’m trying to stabilize myself. and fuck you if you can’t handle that…. if you can’t, go the fuck away, because that’s what’s happening here. time to deal.
“No. I suppose it doesn’t. I’ve been tossed around too though. Really, if we all wanted to, we could find reasons not to like anyone here but that would be sad because we are all good people.”
we all have. and we all could. and most of us do. only most of us also try to sweep it under the rug and only put our ‘pretty face’ out there. me too. until now.
you just think you see ugly. trust me, you have no idea. but you do. that’s the funny part, isn’t it?
we all know ugly. we know it to the core. and we all walk around thinking no one else knows. even as we’re showing it left, right, and center.
and funniest of all is that none of it matters even as all of it is fucking critical.
do not expect me to be nice.
do not expect me to be kind.
do not expect me to understand.
do not expect me to agree.
do not expect.
i’m working on that myself. and fucking up all over the damned place. and as impatient as i am with any one else, i’m easily fifty times more with myself.
i don’t need your reminders. even as i constantly seem to be asking for them.
we are all good people. but we all suck too. and it STILL doesn’t matter. and it STILL makes all the difference that is no fucking difference at all.
hah! look at me, I AM RYDER! you want to talk about a fucking light bulb going off? imagine defcon 4 in a navy fighter approaching a damn mig that’s buzzing the fucking white house.
blink, blink, blink, sirens, and some asshole sitting on the ground screaming, “FIRE FIRE FIRE!” in my ear.
i am not going to play nice. fuck you all if you expect it. this is important and i’m done hiding. ignore me. or pick up your stick and poke me if you have to, but i’ll tell you now, i fucking bite and i don’t care what i bite. not even me. certainly not you. yet.
you have been warned.