morning blizzard of resumes safely out, time to relax a bit and enjoy some coffee and a few, random thoughts.
ran across a couple of quotes, one i’d never heard before and one i heard all too often.
“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” ~Albert Einstein
good ol’ Al. i recall reading that before his death, he mourned not being able to figure out unified theory. i also hear he lost his mind. but i read that quote and i can’t help but remember the one liner joke that rose in my head some months ago… ‘Buddhists — they’re everywhere!’
it sometimes makes me sad that the simple act of loving creates so much fear. it seems so many people think of love as having these thick boundaries of ‘what is acceptable’ and ‘what is appropriate’ and ‘what is convenient’ when my entire realm of experience has demonstrated it cannot be bound by definition and label, nor by etiquette or mores.
love just is. you know? it doesn’t care about all those things. it never has. how can it?
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. ~1 Corinthians 13:4-7
it fucking hurts to love everyone, you know. but the part that hurts isn’t what you might think it is. it isn’t the ‘me’ that is sometimes rejected. it is the way that rejection continues to exist, be possible. it isn’t the ‘me’ that feels loss. it is the way that so many people will not accept love unless it meets with their view of what it ‘should be’, ‘must be’.
oh yeah, sure, sometimes ego gets all up in the grille. hell, i’m human too, ya know. but mostly it’s just a pervading sense of sadness that with all the beauty and truth that love is, and that is known and felt, so little of it is ever just… accepted… by anyone.
our world is really jacked up. the animals are, i think, the superior species. at least insofar as honesty is concerned. sometimes, i think reason leads to delusion. we think ourselves into prisons and languish there, despairing and discontent, as if those bars exist. as if it were ever possible that they could without our creating them.
sometimes, i think the lesson of my life is simply to learn how to love… regardless. stars know, i’ve been loving people all my life despite everything. and i still do. and i seem incapable of doing otherwise. and you know? i’m starting to realize that’s ok. actually, i’m starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, that’s the point.
the only point.
i love you, you know. i always have. i always will. not because i have to, not because i choose to, just because i do. i suppose that will sound contradictory or perhaps weird. but it doesn’t matter. it is true. true blue. true as you. true through and through.
i’d ask you if you would love me, too. but i know you do. same as me, you…. all of us just struggling to get through.
can i talk a little bit about how wonderful it is to love you? to just sit here and grin and feel all full and happy inside because you are there? sometimes i know your name, but usually i do not, and it doesn’t matter. names. labels. heh. things that separate us. but there is no separation.
i cry for thinking of you hurting. but i laugh for thinking of you at peace. and i sigh for thinking of you pensive, pondering, wondering…. are you loved, do you matter, does anyone care, why isn’t someone there? when you need a hug, but find only empty air…. i wish it were possible to have you find me in the air. so that even the silence, the quiet, and the empty spaces could be for you comfort.
i wish i could be love to you in every minute of the day, not just when you agree with whatever words i say.
i wish the things of life and the world didn’t get in the way, i wish it were this simple for everyone to know how it can stay.
i wish that fear was a thing that could be slain, that it could be set to dust and nevermore connection impede or force refrain.
hippy thoughts. heh. so what? i am hippy. bump and grind, baby… swing them left and right… there’s life in the valley… wish i could give it to you tonight.
i once told a friend that i wished to be shakti… i think he thought i meant just to him. sometimes i wish it were easier to see.
no matter. it doesn’t matter. love is. and will be. and that’s a blessing. ever and always.