i wrote this yesterday to someone. it is not the first time i’ve written it, but it is the first time i thought there might be a need to explain to myself why i do.
energy never dies, it just changes form. but the forms it is permitted to take in our lives are determined by us. may your choices bring you delight and when they do not, may you be able and willing to see clearly so as to find the path to the ones that do. ~ me
for the most part, this last year has been very much about being able and willing to see clearly. it was harder than i thought it would be, and not nearly as scarey. of course that doesn’t mean i see everything, and it surely doesn’t mean i see enough. it’s an on-going process. but i mention it because of how people will assume if it isn’t explicitly said, it isn’t thought of…. heh. that used to make me so mad. it doesn’t anymore.
i got an email from someone today that really underscored to me just how much i was missing this time last year. i don’t even need to explain it anymore… isn’t that great?!? hah! progress! to know it doesn’t even matter but ‘to me’. heheh.
you know, if i had known all this was going to happen, i probably would never have said hello. i almost feel like i need to thank ignorance. heh. boy, stubborn self. even now.
sitting here now thinking about something another friend said to me the other day. i was telling them about something i had prepared for june. they said i just wanted to have the last word. untrue…. but i can see how it is an immediate conclusion for people.
i thought about it some more. it’s still untrue. but now i’m wondering if in a weird way it doesn’t matter if it is true or not because it isn’t about ‘my’ motivation.
not sure i can really explain this without considerable detail. and not willing to provide the detail. suffice to say that motivation doesn’t seem to matter if the result isn’t positive. and since there is no way to know the result, it likely is better to refrain.
that weighs in heavy… but i accept it.
looks like i have beautiful paperweight… and a card for recycling.