it often surprises me how much people want to make others responsible for their choices.
humans make quite the game out of responsibility. from ‘you made me’ to ‘wait, you’re saying anything you do is ok because all reactions are the responsibility of others?’
humans often make things much more complicated than they are.
i am responsible for my words, choices, thoughts, and actions. that includes my reactions across all three.
you are responsible for your words, choices, thoughts, and actions. that includes your reactions across all three.
nothing i do makes you do a damn thing. you choose.
nothing you do makes me do a damn thing. i choose.
there are all manner of convoluted rules, social conventions, etiquettes, theories, philosophies, laws, blah, blah, blah that lay out very extravagant and convoluted roadmaps for it all… but it remains that this simple statement is the truth — we choose. every time. all the time. no exceptions.
‘well i have to do this because if i don’t it may result in you thinking x, y, or z.’
that’s called rationalization. justification. it’s the way humans assure or reassure themselves so they can feel good about their choices. not that any of it really matters except for how we permit it to influence or affect our choices.
we’re still permitting it. we still are choosing. even if we use these things to try and deny this is the case.
denying it doesn’t change it.
‘well you force me to have to do x, y, or z because i do not agree with your words, choices, or actions and therefore, i must react. but it is you who are responsible because it is your words, choices, or actions that are creating the situation i must react to.’
bullshit. you don’t have to react to a damn thing. what makes you feel you do? what compels you? what says ‘i have no choice, i must react?’
if you’re sitting there saying anything other than ‘i do’ — bluntly… you’re lying to yourself.
mindfulness in part deals with being completely focused on your words, choices, and actions. understanding and accepting your responsibility for yourself. in every moment. regardless the various swirling ‘outs’ the world is more than happy to give you. regardless the many you can and do often fabricate for yourself.
it is sometimes horrifying to think about how much of what we do is done thoughtlessly, without even the most minuscule act of mindfulness… without being honest with ourselves about where the weight and power of our choices rests.
consider this — if every moment, someone either lived or died as a direct result of a choice you made… would you then find it worthwhile to actually take responsibility for yourself? to be honest with yourself? with others?
consider this — something lives or dies in every moment as a direct result of the choices you make… and it is you. think about how often you have felt anger, resentment, fear, despair for feeling ‘forced’ to choice in a manner you wish you did not have to… how often you have felt cheated or diminished because you gave up your natural right of choice.
think about how many times ‘the rules’ or ‘the way it must be’ or ‘the authority’ or ‘the untenable possibility’ or ‘the feared outcome’ or any other thing convinced you that you were powerless, helpless, without a choice.
then realize that the only one who ever convinces you of any of it… is you.
having only unpleasant choices is not the same as having no choice.
having hard choices is not the same as having no choice.
you always have a choice. always.
you always have responsibility for your choice.
simple truth.