stars. someone asked elsewhere what (if any!!!) difference there was between narcissism and healthy self love.
having had my own horrid encounter with a narcissist and still tending the wounds and dealing with the aftermath, it was easy enough to give my thoughts on the matter.
i wrote in reply…
Narcissism has no concern or interest in the well being of others in relation to meeting its demands, or the healthiness of it’s demands in relation to others.
What distinguishes narcissism from healthy self-management/maintenance is that a narcissist will always be able to justify or rationalize why what they need is more important than what others need, and how/why getting what they need is and should be ‘more important’.
Narcissists do not consider how their actions hurt others. Nor do they care, though they will often put up a show of care if it means tying their latest provider of attention and ‘mind food’ closer to them.
The narcissist doesn’t care if they’re strip-mining souls, they just want what they want when they want it and will do whatever it takes to get it, all the way blithely explaining to anyone who might ask why it’s perfectly acceptable, they are completely justified, and if you disagree, well it’s obvious that there’s something wrong with you.
Almost every person I’ve ever talked to who has encountered this dysfunction reports that they honestly began questioning their own sanity and perspective in relation to being caught in a Narcissist’s clutches.
There is simply no legitimate comparison between narcissistic self-love and healthy self-love. The former destroys everything it touches and does so because it’s the most expedient way to get what it wants and it doesn’t care if that hurts others or not.
Healthy self-love is, as are all healthy things, in balance with its surroundings and weighs it’s immediate needs against (amongst other things) establishing a sustainable source of supply…. which usually means mutually beneficial and mutually nourishing relationships.
Or, more succinctly — narcissistic love is completely internally referenced, while healthy self-love looks both outward and inward.
a narcissist is a parasite of the most base and craven type. you can’t even grant them the dubious credit of being symbiotic. all they do is suck the soul out of someone and then, drop them like the refuse they consider them to be… and go looking for the next one to destroy.
i sincerely hope you never meet one. but if you do, i wish for you the wisdom to recognize them quickly and the fleetness to run like bloody hell.