… it does.
the friends mentioned earlier arrived just as i hung up with a long distance friend in california, assuring them that yes, it looked like things were going to work out well after all.
as they walked in the door, the phone range again. this time, it was my friend in seattle. he wanted me to speak with one of his other three housemates. the ensuing conversation was, bluntly, a torpedo wrapped in a neutron bomb.
as the conversation proceeded, i realized that my own idealism and hope had once more set me up for disappointment. the details are simply that no, it was not a place to land and recover… it was a rental arrangement and if i could not promise money on arrival, it was not a place i should look for respite.
for the record, i completely understand. really. i do. and i said as much to the fellow i was speaking with and thanked him for his candor.
i just wish it had not come literally at the last minute. i sit here, packed, truck loaded, utilities to be shut off in the morning, no way to turn back without laying out money i don’t have… and now… no idea where i am going.
one of my friends who had come to pick up things offered for me to crash with her, but she’s in a one bedroom and really cannot spare or even afford to make that offer. rather than point it out, i simply thanked her and told her that i’m sure my daughter will let me crash at her place for now.
in truth, my daughter was not happy to hear of it and while she may well let me crash there, it is certain i cannot stay there for any length of time. long story and one i am too weary to relay here. suffice to say she doesn’t feel it is appropriate and frankly, i cannot disagree with her. parents are supposed to be self-sufficient.
sigh.
can i just take a moment here to share with you how horrible it is to realize how utterly unable i am in this moment to manage even that?
i do not know where i am going. i do not know how i am going to make it through this. i know nothing whatever. all i know is i have to believe this is actually going to work out. somehow. somehow.
black humor aside: there is no room for the chair.