heh. amazing how small things can make sure a huge difference in outlook.
yesterday and most of today has been spent taking a rather serious inventory of the mental clutter and applying a remedy that i’ve used some 30+ years in day to day life.
most people look askance at me for being someone who just doesn’t put a lot into ‘stuff’ and possessions. life has taught me rather consistently that the only thing you get from having or hanging onto lots of ‘stuff’ is a fear of losing said stuff. the remedy over time has been to undertake a rather deliberate culling of ‘the stuff’ — to remind myself it is utterly replaceable, to honor the truth that is impermanence, and to know the stuff itself will find its way to those who do not have and in it, perhaps, a longer benefit than what i may know for myself.
this is why it was easy to have all but what would fit into the truck picked up by friends in florida. it is why it was easy to have an entire house of stuff carted off seven years ago. it is also why it is easy to enjoy the things i do make regular use of and to never feel badly for doing so.
all of which is a long way of saying that i’ve been cleaning the mental attic these last two weeks. i’m surprised to find how much clutter and mess i’ve allowed to settle here.
one friend to the west, someone for whom i care deeply, is slowly relinquished because it becomes obvious any attempt to maintain other than highly intermittent contact is resulting in somewhat inappropriate behavior by others in their circle of proximity.
yet another friend to the west, someone moving out of proximity as their life accelerates and raises them, i am also smiling and sighing for… i look forward to watching the trail they blaze in life and i know we will be, if not as close as we’ve been, at least in touch here and there throughout life. it is enough.
still another friend, this one to the east, is rebuilding as i am, i make note to give space to them… knowing it is hard to keep things rolling if you’re being interrupted by voices from distance. heh.
a friend to the northeast goes silent in the face of my commitment to seattle or atlanta. in this, a nod to their hope that i might turn again to the northeast… i reach less often to them because i know all reaching that is not followed by proximity is hurtful. sigh.
two friends in canada i reluctantly admit have fallen out of the range of closeness and realistically accept have moved beyond the horizon of my life. i will miss them.
a friend in red rock, texas settles into a contented life that needs only the occasional hello. so that’s the limit to be observed.
a friend in the uk has an impending birth and the corresponding life changes to deal with… i suspect i should be quiet so as to let them sleep now, while they can. heh.
still another friend in the west resumes closer contact and i savor it. they have been missed.
and so it goes… the recent resumption of the mystery emailer has neatly severed lingering strands of idiocy in relation to the snakes of austin. i am thankful for it.
i am putting the finishing touches on the test assignment for a possible employer in seattle and feel very positive indeed for it.
standing in the attic, looking at the freshly organized, neatly arranged, and now open space…. i smile. i really should do this more often…. it’s a bear to have to try and move through any of it when it’s so jumbled.
i suppose it just goes to show that even the bumps serve their purpose. who knows how long it would have taken me to consider ‘cleaning house’ otherwise.
final thought for the day — life really is good. 🙂