breaking momentarily with tradition, an open letter to someone who might have known better, if they’d just thought about it.
you know, the saddest thing about all of this is that you actually think what you’ve done isn’t obvious, absolutely transparent. i would have had respect for you if you’d just said, ‘hey, i’m going to try making it work with my wife and since she’ll never accept our friendship, we’re going to have to part ways.’
but no. that was more than you could manage. instead, you take what little information you have about me and use it to fabricate this amazing craptastic screed of my flaws and faults and unsuitability as a friend, then throw it at me as if i ever deserved it.
you really are that blind, aren’t you? you really are just that arrogant to think that care and love for you cannot exist if coming from a female unless it is strangled in the context of romantic interest. i’d call it amazing, but actually, it is just typical. men and their amazing arrogance. truly. mindboggling.
g and i had a fairly long conversation about two months ago… during which i told him i felt rather foolish for making the mistake of telling you i loved you because i should have realized, what with your mother issues unresolved, it would be impossible for you to take it any other way than as you have. he agreed with me, but i suspect that’s among the things he’d never say to you because he knows you’re just not so good at friendships based on honesty… you just want to hear what you want to hear.
mea culpa i suppose. but knowing this to be the case, and in spite of your various fixations and twists, i still put it to good use on your behalf.
or do you really think it was anything other than blatant that you would have cheerfully ruined your life and the lives of your sons rather than return to her without someone acting as the diametric opposite to push you back to the notion of a family and of trying again?
knowing you take all the wrong things as ‘truth’, and knowing which you prefer to do so with, i peppered this place and my responses to you with what you needed to hear though admittedly, decidedly not what you wanted to hear.
i don’t think you realize what i’ve done for you. perhaps you never will. that’s alright… as i told you early on, i know this pattern and have run it for a number of men in your position over the years. though, frankly, you’re the last one i’m willing to do it for… mostly because it becomes too painful to help others and continually be slapped for it.
i’m the best friend you never had. and the only reason this is so is because you need your labels and convenient boxes too much to just let people be who they are.
your loss. truly.
not that you’ll heed the voice of experience any more now than you ever have… but just in case you break with your own, self-destructive traditions — do yourself a favor and take —- —– offline before you two kill it utterly with your mine-field square-dancing. no one who comes there deserves to be targeted by either of you and you know as well as anyone that you have neither the discipline, the will, or the motivation to make it more than limp along.
i do not envy you the hard lessons coming… but there’s no denying they are absolutely of your own choosing. contrary to your obvious beliefs, even knowing it, i have done what a friend would do to insure your choices are not impeded by my presence. indeed, i’ve done more to demarcate them and support you to the end you most desire than you seem willing to admit. and i did them even in the face of actions that prove very clearly that, among the long list of things you might have been, being MY friend simply was never among the number.
no matter. all is done and done is done.
farewell and be well.