well. hired. start monday.
as if patting me upon the head and perhaps apologizing for recent bruises, life delivers when least expected and most needed.
one of the things i truly appreciate and love about life is that it is forever surprising you.
as it has slowly become apparent the business i arrived to assist is not as it should be and, due to aspects of the partnership (the folks my friend has joined with), is not likely to improve, i decided to set a note out in ‘the usual places’ and see if anyone might respond.
someone did. i interviewed today and start on monday. project management and public liaison for a cms developer and integrator.
best part? it’s telecommute. they have two companies… one here and one overseas. the front-end and provisioning happens here, the development and implementation, there.
i pick up the office key and cell phone monday. from there, it’s footies and french pressed coffee at ‘home’ (wherever that is in any moment) and new business facilitation.
it is a very liveable wage for this part of the country and i am optimistic. of course, if you know me, you know that’s nothing new, for all i often seem to be moping here (remember — it’s not all real!).
so. respite and relief. i am happy for it. not only this, i can still help my friend here get into something that will be workable for them. most likely will pick up the slack for them here until they land something that is liveable for them… then look to move into my own digs.
i take a moment to ponder the script of ‘i can’t believe you’re actually here and willing to help me’ that is running in this moment. i am particularly pondering it in light of the most recent oracle trope and resulting (expected, usual, painful) outcome.
i think there is a very reasonable middle way in this… and it depends largely upon restricting myself to those who are not broken in ways that demonstrate no real interest in being other than broken.
the simple reality is — you cannot help those who want to be in pain and you cannot change that part of them that prefers it. this isn’t ‘news’ to me, but i admit, i often have difficulty telling the difference and the process of assuming to the best is simply not working out for my own well being.
this is an area in which i have need to be more selfish. and i think i can do so without feeling like i’m betraying the things that underlie my interest/drive in reaching out to others… which is a very nice feeling indeed.
it also occurs to me that much of my own success in life has come largely from these excursions into bodhisattva’s practice… which is a much deeper comfort than i can appropriately convey in words.
because of the recent decision to come here to help another, not only have i made a new friend, a true friend, i have found a space/place where, for the first time in a very long time indeed, i actually feel comfortable, AND, i have now found the threads of what may easily become a new and very enjoyable life.
all things considered, it is impossible to look at this and see it as anything other than evidence that these choices i continue to make, while they may often result in bruises and blood, consistently result in things worth knowing, having, and experiencing.
which, i suspect, is Just How It Is…. hills and valleys, dark nights and bright days, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. but frankly, even when you lose you win, because every loss is just a step closer to the next one that isn’t.
perspective. heh. works every time and doesn’t seem to fade with use. fortunately.