frankly, i’m not even sure how to talk about this.
have you ever had something that just… refused to go away? not internally. not like in your head. i mean something that, no matter how much you lock down, how much you shut off, how much you ban, just keeps showing up?
i have something that continues to do this and i am really starting to feel and think it kind of frightening.
all i want is for it to go away. stay away. leave me alone. and it just… won’t.
i’ve set filters and bans on everything i own. i’ve blocked every shared space. i’ve abandoned quite a few, actually.
and it still happens. tonight i got a note by email from a place i registered at months ago… telling me someone had looked for me.
the ‘why’ of it i don’t even care to know. but i did not set reminders and nonetheless, there the damn thing was, staring up from my mailbox as if i wanted to see it.
i went out and verified my settings. i am not supposed to be getting those kinds of reminders. so why did i?
beyond bothersome. like a phantom splinter, insisting i not forget.
all i want is to forget. and every time i do, this happens.
too non-plussed to be angry, i just sigh. please go away. please leave me alone. please.