well. this is no surprise.
i am realizing that i’m never going to have some things in life.
the ‘normal’ family experience.
the home.
the comfortable retirement.
and there are some things i feel like i will never have, but i can’t be sure. it just feels like certainty.
a companion to share life with.
a sense of security and safety.
and try as i might, i just can’t help feeling angry about it. try as i might, it just seems it’s never possible.
sometimes i think i try too hard. or not hard enough. hell, it isn’t as if i know.
the barometer is tanking and that means my joints are on fire.
the full moon just arrived and that means my hormones are spiking.
i’m still sitting where i’ve been the last eight years and that means i’m either running out of fuel or i’ve lost some critical ability to get up off the ground.
i think about things that scare me lately.
sure hope you’re doing better.