no point or purpose to this one… just something of an obligatory, daily entry.
i’ve been feeling very centered these last few days. therefore, all hell must be about to break loose somewhere. heh. actually, not, i’m not claiming that. i believe and think that i’m heading into a transition of some sort. i’m curious at to what it is, because it isn’t something that leaps to the forefront of my mind when i try to think about it.
this last year, 2007, has been a year of self-examination, dissection, and contemplation. as the year draws to an end, i’m looking at the net outcomes and trying to gain a sense of perspective. i can easily say 2007 was not a bad year. i can easily say it was not a good year. it was… just a year. nothing really amazing, nothing life-altering, nothing too traumatic nor too happy. just stuff. events. heh. most of the more incredible changes have happened out of sight, in the mind.
as usual, i’ve met new friends, lost a few old ones, and had the usual fluttering about in relation to it all. as if all that effort makes any difference whatever. silly, stubborn me.
i’ve made some decisions, particularly as relates to the odd and ongoing attractions i find. i’ve also made some decisions in relation to how much time and effort i’m willing to spend on trying to remember those who have decided, for whatever reason, to forget me. (none, going forward.)
i had thought about ‘preparing’ for the change in mindset and focus, but it seemed silly. instead, for once, i stopped thinking about doing it and just… did it. emptied out my phone book, my email address book, my archives, all of it. if it was someone i have not heard from in the last three months, they are finally gone here.
hard to describe the sense of liberation that came with this set of actions. profound.
in addition, the last strands of 2006 are being released next month, when they expire. this, a huge relief and release for me, is almost as literally so as it is symbolically so. i have been testing myself by making myself review and consider it… challenging me on my honesty and sincerity in relation to it.
i am clear. there is no doubt. and i will be glad to have the last of it out of the frame, out of my life.
beyond this, certain considerations in relation to the coming move and how/if i intend to move forward once there. i’m still considering things… but i suspect i will soon do a few things i’ve been waiting my entire life to do and have finally decided i’m tired of waiting to do. (grin) more on that another time.
for now, comfortable, calm, and mildly drowsy, i’m going to go savor a nightly ritual. i highly recommend it for those of you who feel alone, forgotten, or in any manner as if you’re missing something from others in life.
simply — i curl up and go through the list of people i love and care for, and send each of them a special thought and blessing. and then, quite literally, i drift off to sleep on a cloud of closeness and caring…. made by me, for each and every one of you… just because i can.
i love you. i hope you are well. i think of you often and when i do, i smile. every. time.