i have done something today that i swore i’d not do. and i’m laughing at my ego for how it yells for it, but i am also smiling for the realization that consistency is more important than ego, or pretty much anything else. particularly when the lesson is equanimity.
not too long ago, i wrote toward someone in california that i would always be glad to hear from them because the care i hold for them is not based in what i ‘get’ from it, but from the hope that i might be whatever help they are willing to receive.
i’ve pondered that and set it against the long ribbon of memory and have been working with myself in relation to being this willing to rest in equanimity with anyone i’ve encountered along the way.
part of practice and learning is to work at tending the mind and striving to remember that resting in the four boundless ones is not a striving, rather, it is a releasing. ‘that which is’ does not require effort.
it is surprising how difficult it is to remember at times. it is surprising how simple it is when one just lets it be.
it is interesting to me how, in this moment, i feel nothing but contentment and peace. all the moreso for how ‘letting it be’ has rather deftly shorn a good bit of the usual ‘full moon effect’.
no matter the outcome, no matter if there is no outcome, this was a thing worthy of doing. that is the core of it, and the beauty of it. there is no expectation nor movement — only what is.
i am smiling.