you know, sometimes, this is just really bizarre. hrm. or maybe i am. hmmmm. or maybe it’s the same.
i was digging around for some work-related information today and found a snippet that was relevant. went to review it. in the previous topics listing, caught a glimpse of another item more pointedly relevant. followed it. wound up at a site that had the answer i was looking for…. curiosity lead me to the front page and there, i found a post that was talking about something completely NOT work related, but damn near cookie cutter life related.
for the last oh… two years… i’ve been working on dissecting the thoughts and motivations behind the ‘just because’…. because it continues to absolutely shred me and i feel like i have to figure out why or i’m just going to throw myself into the pit.
i’ve asked friends. i’ve asked strangers. i’ve asked my lama. i’ve asked pretty much anyone who will sit still and who demonstrates an inclination toward such thoughts or the willingness to talk about them.
the answers have varied and none of them have really rung true to me; none of them had that resonance that matched what flickers here. none of them were ‘true’, ‘right’, or made ‘sense’.
this post, it did all of it, which it funny to me because though the context is different, the meaning and outcomes are the same.
the poster wrote that they too, have been trying to come to grips with it and they too, have asked everyone they encounter what they thought, and they too eventually had to work it out for themselves.
i think maybe that’s just the way these things work…. but apparently, one is allowed to discern it from others, since they too found their answer by reading it in another’s words. connectedness. that makes me smile.
their consideration was simple, elegant, and as it’s outcome is still humming in resonance here, i’ll just quote it instead of trying to rephrase or paraphrase it:
“Why do givers not ask to be paid?”
I cycled through the answers. You might be surprised with where I landed. I sure was. But, when I tested my answer, it held up. And, when I handed it back, the questioner agreed.
Is it pride?
No, I think of the givers I know. They’re not prideful people. They’d humble themselves for a cause.Is it fear?
Not really. The real givers I know would walk through fire for the people they care about.Is it a disdain for money?
Not a chance. Givers I know understand that money is a tool that makes it easier to give more and more generously.So what is it then?
It’s the DNA of a giver. A giver lives generosity from the cellular level. Giving is without strings.
this person spoke obliquely about being hurt and taken advantage of and how they were struggling with such outcomes.
i know the feeling all too well. from being handed all manner of implied motivations that are very ugly and cruel, to being told it’s really just a kind of selfishness, to having someone blithely tell you that oh, it cannot possibly be ‘just generosity’… sometimes, the hardest part of ‘just because’ is the many ways others insist it is anything BUT ‘just because’.
still, it is what it is, and i’m starting to see that being misunderstood or even castigated for it is just part of being present in the world of samsara, suffering.
i’ve run around the bush again with the whole ‘giving to yourself is just as valid, which includes taking for yourself what is needed’, but it doesn’t work. just too convenient to get snarled in arrogance and pride and being demanding. one does not give because there is an expected return. one does not give in anticipation of outcomes. one does not give for receiving.
that is the reason why it is ‘just because’…. very literally, it is just because, in that moment, you can.