you know what gets me? being avoided. being ignored.
it is a fairly common thing that i often wait for those who blithely don’t think about that i might at all do so. and most times, i really don’t mind it, because the anticipation of being able to enjoy them exceeds the feelings that sometimes come with waiting to do so.
and on occasion, be it by synchronicity or kamma or whatever, i discover it isn’t that they’re not about, it’s that i’m being avoided or worse, ignored.
it lights my fuse. yes. it pisses me off.
worse yet, i sit here like an idiot all the fucking day long because they told me they would be here today and you know what? they didn’t at all lie. they are about… just not here.
i keep saying i’m not going to do this anymore. i keep making a liar of myself. sitting here, feeling stupid and angry, dashing hot tears away, i am grimly satisfied that, at least tonight, i will not be waiting. and you know what? maybe not tomorrow either.
or the next day.
or any more days.
sick.
of.
it.
’nuff said.