well. consider me laughing, but not for the reasons you’re likely to think. as usual, i’m laughing at myself. and thanking mr. kraemer for a valuable lesson in life, practice, and a good many other things that i’m likely not going to mention in this bit.
i am almost ashamed that it never occurred to me that being a porn star would be a perfect thing for a shakta to do. and i am laughing at myself because you know i saw that picture on a forum and the monkey in me went, ‘hmmm…. he’s a cute buddhist.’ (click)
hah!
even when i saw the profile caption that said he was a porn star, i didn’t really believe it. (double hah!)
oh my the things i attach to and avert from. i’m laughing most of all for the abject hypocrisy of following internet links of a beautiful set of eyes and landing at a porn page and being surprised or in any manner disappointed.
oh shakta. what a pointing out this is to me. i can’t stop laughing.
a good bit of my suffering in life is related to horrors enacted upon me as a child and the subsequent reactions to them that i live with to this day. i am far from a prude, though i am modest. i am virtually free from “hangups” though i am exquisitely mindful of the reality of wrong speech, action, intent, motivation, etc. in relation to “conversation” (look it up. it didn’t use to mean talking!).
i was surprised at myself when i didn’t react as i thought i would (should?). i wasn’t disgusted, upset, angry, or negative at all. literally, i sat there with complete emptiness in my head, letting the thoughts flicker in and out and snarl themselves up and crash to the floor of my mind… then i swept them out the door and laughed until i thought i was going to pass out from laughing.
immediate ramifications (gulp! forgive me the entendre, my freudian slip is all around my ankles.) in relation to other things were like lightening in my brain. the cool part about interconnectedness is that any one thing is intimately connected with every other thing and when one bell rings in your mind, a thousand others ring with it. it’s beautiful, really, albeit a little frightening in moments.
one taste. no distinction. every view that makes a duality is impediment.
i bow to the guru on film, practicing oneness in a fearless way and demonstrating compassion and bodhichitta i can only hope to aspire to…. om ah hung!
(stars above… ‘hung’ makes me laugh in decidedly self-deprecating ways. the truth is, this is a tender and beautiful example of perfect view. even as the echoes of all my many flaws bounces in my mind and freudian slips and unintended entendres abound (and are painstakingly acknowledged even as i blush fiercely for it!)…. i bow… prostration and praise… i bow to the guru on film.)