when i want to play games, i go online and log into the one i choose to play and i play it. i’m not much for the games that people play in the day to day world. i’m not much for the power games, the etiquette games, the tit for tat games.
i have two friends who have, for the last while, been playing games with me. i find i do not have the patience i once did for these things. in fact, i find i am becoming a bit sensitive to them. i am currently trying to decide if it is bothersome enough to turn my interest from them. i am, in this post, deciding.
one of them has taken to telling me they will be somewhere and asking me to meet them only to not show up.
i know a good many people who, when stood up, will immediately write off the person doing so. let’s face it, being stood up repeatedly is a bit blatant on the ‘you don’t matter’ message.
i have made excuses for this person for some time now. i do not think i am going to continue doing so. i deserve more and better than to be constantly stood up. i decide to let this person look for me for a change. maybe then, they will appreciate my willingness to respond to them. maybe not. if not, then we end.
the other friend i mentioned above has taken to asking me to contact them but never being there when i do.
this is particularly annoying to me because the entire reason for my contact is that they told me to do so, and told me they would be there when i did.
yes, i understand things can happen, but i also understand that if you tell me to contact you and you tell me you will be there, and you’re not, then when you discover i was there waiting. it is only courteous to get in touch and let me know what happened.
when you do not, it is its own message… and that message is, generally speaking, ‘you don’t matter’.
i am quite tired of being shown how i do not matter to others. i am particularly tired of being shown that the only time i matter is when they want something of me.
i remain undecided about this friend and thus, decide to wait a little while longer to see if this is actually a pattern of behavior or a series of flukes. we shall see.
i am starting to acknowledge and value myself. i am starting to do more than say that treating me as if i do not matter or taking me for granted is not behavior i have to endure. i am starting to accept that it is ok to demand respect and care from others, and to refuse to submit to thoughtless treatment.
i treat others with respect. i do what i say i will do. when or if i cannot manage something, i am quick to let it be known so others do not feel they do not matter or that i do not care for them. it is not unreasonable to demand this of others. those who find it unreasonable are likely people i am better off not to spend time around.
you know what? this feels good.